The Golden Rules - A Survival Guide to Dating in the 21st Century

"I'm confused. If I'm really as intelligent, as attractive, as charming and as successful as people say I am, why the heck am I still single? Why can't I find someone??"

Be honest now, how many times have you cried yourself to sleep asking this very question?

You read this article with skeptiscism, yet at the back of your mind; you are secretly hoping that it contains some sort of magical solution or a proven set of simple guidelines that can finally help you net that elusive "right one." You quickly glance back at the title of this article again and the words "Golden Rules of Dating" unwittingly catches your eye this time.

"Golden Rules of dating? There's just too many of them around now," you grumble. Very true indeed. And you'll also notice that most of them actually hold the promise of bringing you one step closer towards capturing the heart of that "special" someone you've been eyeing on.

To be honest, I didn't even know that there were actually dating rules to be adhered to until I turned twenty one and have had quite a fair bit of flings and relationships already. Before this, I had always stuck on to the 21st century way of doing things - that is, go to a pub, make eye contact with a girl you think is really hot, proceed to making out and if you get lucky - much more.

Sounds quite simple and effortless huh?

Well this spontaneous approach to dating has actually led me into several random hook-ups with a variety of women from the petite model who had this creepy lazy eye and sinister-looking crooked smile, to the cute waitress who looked absolutely gorgeous in the dark but then looked totally different out in the light, to the hot and sexy podium dancer who had this uncanny ability to neigh and roar like a noble steed, she also had this bizarre foot fetish as well which I don't even want to GET INTO. Bottom-line? It's been a roller coaster ride that's for sure.

When I finally hit twenty one, that's when I discovered there where actually various rules which I never even knew existed. I only found out about them after reading several books and browsing through various websites.

And you know what else I discovered? I discovered that it's actually a JUNGLE out there. A jungle that consists of men who speak in plain black and white language, and women that are programmed to decode every little aspect of the male behaviour.

I just saw the movie "He's just not that into you" the other day actually, and as embarrassing as this may sound, I think I have a movie-crush (aww shucks!). The movie was realistic, the script was spot on, the characters were smart and witty and most importantly the movie tackled a topic close to our hearts - dating in the 21st century.

"People just don't meet organically any more. If I want to make myself more attractive to the opposite sex, I don't go get a new haircut - I update my profile," Drew Barrymore miserably rants in the movie out of sheer frustration.

Now, doesn't those words just hit home?

Here's something interesting I've noticed in the last five years: I've noticed that a great deal of dating gurus, date doctors, pick-up artists and self-help authors have emerged out of the blue in big numbers armed with their very own unique set of dating rules. Each one of them is also claiming that their own distinctive set of rules is the ultimate magical formula that will enable you to be successful in the dating game.

Verrry interesting indeed.

The funny thing is, many people just decided to blindly follow these rules without really looking into it and delving into details.

The result?

In the end, most people just ended up mystified, bewildered, perplexed and *gasp* dare I say it? Still ALONE.

You know why?

Because most of these dating rules were just too puzzling and too downright absurd. In the end, it ultimately drove hundreds of single people out there to pull their hairs out one by one in frustration and give up on the whole dating scene altogether. Most of them have now just chosen to just stay home and watch reruns of Sex and City all the while shaking their heads at the show and repeatedly saying to themselves "Carrie Bradshaw is soo right. . . so, so right" over and over again.

Well, that actually applies more towards the single women out there, most single men out there on the other hand are probably just surfing the net for some porn.

Am I right, or am I right?

There are now literary hundreds of dating rules out there, it's just crazy. If you surf the net or go to your nearest bookstore, I bet you that you'll be bombarded with hundreds of dating rules from rules in seduction to rules in love to rules in online dating and so on and so forth.

Since when did the dating scene become so damn complicated?? Whatever happened to the old saying that "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be?"

Oops . . . I think I just unleashed my inner little girl there for a second. Sorry, my bad.

Wading through all the rules and exception to the rules that we are bombarded with on a constant basis, I've come to a conclusion that there is one outstanding truth out of all this - it is that the dating scene is not what it used to be. Never in my wildest dreams could I have possibly foreseen that 21st century dating will be an era of online chatting, text messaging, emailing, facebooking, myspacing and googling.

Welcome to the digital era my friend.

The sad thing is, the digital era seems to have erased any thoughts of spontaneously finding the "right" one.

To be honest, I'm still a hopeless romantic at heart. You can call me mushy, you can call me a romantic fool or you can even call me a little girl waiting for his big fat crush to finally arrive - Awww . . .

Bottom-line? I don't think I'm alone either. I think most of us still have this secret hope of finding the "right one" - even though no one would admit it outright.

Ironically, although I do know that dating rules play an important role in the dating jungle, well at least initially, I believe that at some stage, they are actually meant to be broken. Here's the trouble with most of the dating rules around: They rely way too much on the ancient philosophies of femininity and masculinity. They also hold back the most important ingredient to falling in love - our GUT FEELING. Instead of something that should be enjoyable and liberating between two people, these rules actually make the whole dating experience such a difficult task to comprehend.

If there's anything I learned from all my experiences, it's that sometimes you just have to break the rules if you want to achieve happiness. Because the fact is, even if you follow the rules religiously, there are still no guarantees that you'll live happily ever after anyway. Let's face it, in the dating field, situations arise and vary all the time therefore there could be no one "perfect" formula or set of rules because the only thing that's really constant is CHANGE.

Sometimes, it's not even about following or breaking the rules though. Sometimes it's just plain luck or maybe even divine intervention to help you snag the man or woman of your dreams. Wether you like it or not, in the end it all boils down to one solid fact:

If you want to WIN the dating game, you have to PLAY the game.

If you don't like the game then you're more than welcome to sit on the bench since there are plenty of other players aching for some court time. It might take months or maybe even years to find the elusive "right one," you might not even find him or her at the end. But then at the very least, your odds go up when you submit an application form.

Alex Lafrentz is a real-life dating/relationship expert and dating advice columnist for StarCentral Magazine. If you're reading this right now, and you'd like to learn more about how to get more dates, and have more success with the opposite sex in general, then I'd highly recommend that you click on the link below:

http://daily.starcentralmagazine.com/category/advanced-dating-101

Online Dating Rules For Women

The internet has changed the face of dating, and it has expanded the pool of potential mates greatly for women on the prowl. It really is a wonderful tool to utilize when searching for the perfect partner, but there are some online dating rules for women to keep in mind when trying to find love this way.

First of all, it can become easy to get caught up in the romance of it all when you know that the men you are meeting are looking for the same things you are.

Dating in real life doesn't have nearly the same certainties, and when you meet a man at the grocery store it may take you multiple dates to learn as much about him as you could from his online profile if that had been how you met him. In online dating you know right up front what a man's interests are, how he feels about certain subjects, and what he is looking for from a partner. As such, it can become very easy to fall in love with who he is on paper and ignore the dissenting aspects of his personality in real life. Try to keep in mind that the internet allows people to create the most favorable versions of themselves possible, but that we all have our skeletons as well and no one is perfect. Of course, one of the benefits is that you will also know some of the major facets of his life right of front, such as whether he has been married before or has children under his care now.

When it comes time for an actual date, most of the typical dating rules apply; only now with the added edge of feeling like you already know this person you've never actually met. The familiarity you may find by getting to know each other online could wipe away some of the caution you would typically have in dating, but try to keep in mind that you still don't really know this person. For the first date it is advisable that you offer to meet him somewhere, rather than allowing him to know your home address. In this way, if the date doesn't go as planned or he isn't the Prince Charming he originally seemed, you can rest assured that at least he doesn't have too much access to your personal life. Further, don't be afraid to do a little internet stalking before and after that first date. Court documents are available online in almost every state, and you really can tell a lot about a man from him Facebook profile. His dating profile may be where he put his best foot forward, but if he has giant red flags to hide you can likely find those just as easily.

If that first date goes better than planned, and everything comes clean in your online snooping, you may have a winner on your hands. In the world of online dating, the second date rules don't differentiate much from what they would be if you had met this man in the frozen foods section. At this point it really becomes about getting to know his "in real life" personality, and deciding if all his little quirks are endearing or annoying. Transitioning into exclusivity may be less awkward than it typically would be, since you both know that the reason you met in the first place was because you were looking for something serious. This means that if you are really interested in him after a few dates it would not be totally out of line for you to suggest that the two of you make your dating profiles inactive for the time being and focus on each other. If nothing else, this will be the easiest segue into the "what does our future hold" conversation you've ever had!

Whatever happens, remember to have fun. The internet, if nothing else, can expand your dating horizons to levels you would never have imagined before. Waiting around by the produce for Mr Right is a nice concept, but finding him online is a much more tangible reality.

Find out if your girlfriend is cheating on you and signs of a cheating boyfriend.

Never Break These 5 Dating Rules

Follow these five rules and you'll enjoy a richer and more fulfilling date experience.

When it comes to your dating love life, do you wish there was a rulebook? While The Rules are so last century, a new dating handbook has yet to be created in the new era.

So how do you know the dos and don'ts rules of Dating? The truth is there are no hard and fast rules, but the following guidelines should help you navigate the dating world.

Rule #1: Listen to Your Heart.

Whether you're on a date, communicating with someone you meet online, or flirting with a cutie you meet in the flesh, it's important to pay attention and listen carefully to your gut. If a potential date's actions or words set off an internal alarm system, you owe it to yourself to pay attention and act accordingly. These alarms can be both good and sometimes bad. For example, if you've met someone online and they seem interesting, then you talk to them on the phone and they sound completely different (in a negative way), you may decide never to meet them in person. A positive example would be if you were on a date with someone and they seemed a little nervous but well intentioned, your gut might tell you to give them a second chance. By going on a second date, you'll gain a better understanding of whom they really are and if you'd like to see them soon.

Rule #2: Pay Attention to the Red Flags.

Like those internal alarms that alert you to your gut feelings, you also have an alarm system to alert you to the red flags. Often this alarm system is turned way down. As a result, we often ignore red flags and find ourselves getting involved with inappropriate partners because we're not paying close attention. To become a truly successful single in the new millennium, you owe it to yourself to become a red flag observer. That means paying attention to red flags as they are presented to you on your dates. An example of a red flag would be if you found yourself on a date with someone who could not stop talking about their ex spouse. They may be a fantastic person, and eventually make a great partner, but right now they're still not ready. Your job is to pay attention to that red flag and not pursue this person.

Rule #3: Actions Speak Louder Than Your Words.

During the course of your dating life you will most likely find yourself on a date with someone whose actions speak much louder than their words. Maybe they're attentive and chivalrous to you, but treat the waiter, bartender, and/or valet very poorly. Or maybe they claim they're ready for a long-term relationship, but their wandering eye soon tells you otherwise. To get the very most out of your dating life, it's important to understand that actions speak louder than words. When someone's actions are contrary to his or her words, this is not only a huge red flag, it's gut-check time. By paying attention and screening out potential partners whose actions don't match their words, you cut down on wasted dating time and make it that much easier to attract potential partners worth your valuable time and energy.

Rule #4: Don't Play Dating Games.

Successful singles know what goes around will come around. They also know the importance of being honest and well intentioned with the people they will date. As a successful single, you owe it to yourself and the individuals you date not to play old games. Try to call when you say you're going to call. Do what you say you're going to do, and be honest when the other person asks you if you'd like to go out again. If you don't want to see them again, say so in a kind and considerate manner. By being honest and letting them down easy, you avoid playing dating games. Expect the same honesty in return. If you don't really get it, don't play games by taking that out on the next person you date.

Rule #5: Know When to Say "Game Over."

Just as you should not play dating games, you will want to also avoid getting played. Like it or not, there are plenty of those players on the dating scene. It's up to you to know the signs of the player, know their game, and be confident enough to tell them "game over." Here's how to actually spot a player: When they approach, they'll take you a little off guard with a backhanded compliment/insult along the lines of "you're too cute to be wearing that" or "I'd buy you a drink, but you probably wouldn't talk to me." These tactics are known as The Dating Game. The player's real motive is to take you off guard so that you're on the defensive and try to make up for it by engaging in their game. The problem is, these players aren't really genuine. Instead of falling for their tactics, simply smile, say "game over," and walk (better yet, run!) away as fast as you can.

While there are no hard and fast dating rules, there are definitely some guidelines to follow to make your dating life more enjoyable. By really listening to your gut, paying attention to red flags, and understanding that actions speak louder than words, you cut down on wasted dating time. In doing so, you not only avoid getting played, but you also greatly increase your chances of dating relationship happiness.