A Female Guide to Online Dating Without the Rose Colored Glasses

Not getting the results you want with online dating? Need to jumpstart your dating mojo? Check out my guide to better dating experiences and attracting the type of people you wish to form relationships with.

With over 10 years of online dating under my belt, I have become an expert on relationships and giving advice on how to successfully date.

Rule 1: Honesty on the web.

It's important to remember that the men you are meeting are in fact strangers, no matter how much time you spend talking to them via email, chat or by phone. And, until you meet in person and spend many months of together time, they are still strangers who may be lying and not being completely truthful about any number of things. These things may include: age, marital status, physical appearance, personality traits, lifestyle, values, etc. Because of this, I always encourage my readers to take what is said with a grain of salt until you can verify the facts for yourself through in person time spent together.

Just as important as watching for their honesty is making sure you are honest about yourself too. Don't lie about your age, looks, interests or lifestyle. Use a current picture of yourself or update your old one. That is the #1 turn off to men because they want to meet the real person that they have been talking to. Don't transform yourself into something you are not. If you are not honest with them, you may kill a potential relationship from even starting. Don't be afraid of being yourself. You are a fun person worth getting to know. If they don't like who you really are, then they are not for you and you can move on to someone who likes you just the way you are. (And those men ARE out there!)

Rule 2: Be selective with providing your personal information

Do not provide a last name, home or work address until you have gotten to know him better and can be sure he is trustworthy. And, use a different email address for people you meet through dating sites or chatrooms specifically for those types of interactions.

Rule 3: Meet in a public place

When you meet, always meet in a public place and tell friends and family where you will be. Always have your own form of transportation to and from the location. Do not meet for the first time for drinks which can severely impair your judgment and create an unsafe situation. And remember, dress nice but appropriately, and smile. Enjoy yourself!

Rule 4: Pay attention to the details.

How much about him and his life do you really know? Ask questions and always pay attention to any inconsistencies or story changes. If a person claims to be single, then watch out for signs that confirm or negate this. Do they provide a cell phone or a home number? Usually, a person who will not provide a home number is withholding it for a reason, such as having a live in partner or girl/boyfriend who visits or stays over often.

Do you know where they work? Can you visit them at their home? If they only want to meet you at your place or in a social setting, then that's a clear indication that they are not single.

Rule 5: Protect yourself emotionally

So often, I meet people who allow themselves to get emotionally attached to an online guy/girl before meeting them and I cannot stress enough how dangerous that can be. First of all, this person may not be who they claim to be in their picture or emails. Even if they are genuine, their online personality may be different than the one you meet in person. It's really easy to get carried away by words promising a future of a relationship, just to meet and have the person not be ready to deliver on the intensity of those emotions. So, please take things slowly and get to know them in person before developing too strong of an attachment.

Dating is a risk. Some dates will lead to relationships and others will not due to lack of physical chemistry or other incompatibilities. It's all part of the experience. And, by not getting too attached in the beginning, you don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Rule 6: Date with integrity

Women ask how to improve their chances of having more successful dates and I always say to date with integrity. It starts with self-love and knowing that you are important enough to be treated like a princess. Believe that about yourself and you will be well on your way to attracting better guys. Never accept dates from men who are married or in another relationship. This normally goes without saying but I can't begin to tell you how many women think that he will leave his significant other for her or that stay with a man even after he has lied to her about being single. None of these scenarios ever works out well and lead to a waste of your time where you could be meeting a guy who will make you the romantic priority.

Rule 7: Watch out for premature sexual intimacy

The majority of men report that women who sleep with them on the first date or really early on in the dating process are not women that they normally want to form lasting relationships with. It does not make them feel special since it was too easily gained. Men like the thrill of the hunt, or chase, if you will. They like what they must work at to attain. As such, it is in your favor to wait a while until you are certain there is a real relationship here before moving into sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy too soon into the dating process speeds up the development of feelings and attachment when no relationship may have been created yet. You are worth the wait and if he is the right guy for you, he will respect that. If you take your time before getting too physical, you can confirm that he is sticking around for the right reasons and not just a booty call.

Rule 8: Long distance relationships

There are many success stories of people meeting on the web who live far apart that have worked out. However, to be safe and create a more secure dating experience, it's best to meet people who live in your area. First of all, you get to see them more often which creates a deeper bond. Secondly, you can verify their information to see that they are in fact what they claim to be. Thirdly, you will be incurring more expense to maintain this type of relationship by having to finance trips to see him, the long distance phone bills, etc.

Often the distance and inability to see each other frequently leads to the person either not wanting to invest too much time in a relationship or they may even meet someone closer to them in the interim. At some point, if you decide to still get involved in this type of relationship, one of you will have to relocate to make it work or it ends due to the hardships that come with the distance. So, to avoid all of that, stick with dating in your area. It will ultimately be easier on your pocketbook and heart.

Rule 9: Watch out for signs of abuse or addictions

Whether it's a temper, violence, jealousy, control issues, verbal abuse, drinking or drugs, please watch for signs of issues in the guy that may lead to a toxic relationship. Don't think you can change him if he exhibits any signs of abuse. Just walk away and don't look back. If he is condescending, puts you down, or does not take your feelings into account, then he is not the right guy for you.

Rule 10: Maintain your individuality

First things first, make sure you are really ready to begin dating and not just looking for someone to complete or fulfill a void in your life. Men are attracted to women who are happy, independent and have outside interests.

Make sure that when you are initially dating, that you maintain your boundaries by not smothering and over-calling. Let things develop slowly. Maintain your individuality and independence by continuing to spend time with your friends, and are involved in the interests and hobbies that were a part of your life before he entered the picture. People can be scared off by too much attention or creating a situation where you drop all of your outside interests just to spend all of your time with him. Remember, men can come and go, but friends and the interests that made you the person that you are today will be there to stay. Don't alienate your friends and family when you are dating. You'll need to maintain your lifeline to these people and activities for support should the relationship not work out.

Rule 11: Premature declarations of love

True love takes time to develop, often many months to even a year. So, be wary of any guy who tells you they love you from the very beginning. They may be desperate just to have any relationship or may be a player who throws the words around without really meaning them.

Rule 12: Protect your assets

Never EVER give out your bank account information, debit card or give money to someone you barely know or have been dating for a short period of time. Don't buy them expensive gifts, give them cellphones or put their bills in your name. You are not their mommy or sugar mamma and they should be supporting themselves. If they ask you for any of these things, run, don't walk to the nearest exit.

Rule 13: Keep your skeletons in the closet

When you first get to know someone, it's easy to want to spill the beans about your past, your exes, and everything in between. Keep it light and fun. Talk about your hobbies, interests, events you've participated in and your positive traits. If he is worth getting to know and forming a relationship with, then he will be around to hear all of your not so great stories. Some men are scared off by too much emotional baggage in the beginning. So, hold off on the drama and heart to hearts. They are not interested in hearing why your last relationship hit the skids or why you have trust issues. Stick with the positives about your life and then after meeting and spending time together, if he is interested, the mysteries of what makes you you will unfold in time. Plus, it's more interesting that way, don't you think?

Rule 14: Dating behavior

Last minute dates: Never accept dates at the last minute. If a guy asks you out at the last minute, have the self-confidence to say that you already have plans and would love to take a raincheck. It will show the guy that your time is valuable and if they want to spend it with you, they have to make plans in advance.

Being on time: If he is continuously late in picking you up, then that is a form of disrespect and tell him so. If he doesn't change, drop him like a hot potato.

Going dutch: Never go dutch. I feel that if a guy asks you out, that he should be the one to pay. If he doesn't, kick him to the curb because he's too cheap to be a good candidate for a real relationship.

Courting Details: Pay attention to the ways in which he courts you. Does he bring flowers, leave you nice notes or emails? How does he go out of his way to make you feel special? Is the attention he gives you constant or sporadic? Does he follow through on set plans and phone calls? Is the effort to invest time and attention to the relationship mutual? Or do you find yourself doing most of the work to plan the dates or see him? If his behavior is flaky or lacking special treatment from the get go, it is a clear indicator of what you can expect from him in the future.

Most men are on their best behavior during the first few months of dating. It is after the "honeymoon phase" is over and the newness of being with you wears off that you really see his true colors and whether he has the staying power to really make you happy in a long term relationship.

Incorporating you into his life: Another important aspect worth discussing is the effort made to progress the relationship to the next level. Does he take the time to incorporate you into his life? Have you met his friends and family? If he does not return your calls for a few days, does not introduce you to the people in his life, makes excuses to see you frequently or disappears, really evaluate what you are doing with a guy like that. He may not be as into you as you think. Bottom line is, he is not putting you first and you need to put yourself first by moving on to someone who will.

Rule 15: Know when to cut your losses and move on

A date can appear to be going extremely well but then you don't get the call back. Or, you may go on a few dates for even a few weeks and then the guy pulls the old disappearing act or says he does not want to see you anymore. Leaves you confused and frustrated right? That's why it's important to read rule #5 where I discuss protecting yourself from getting too attached too soon emotionally. There could be any number of reasons why the dating relationship does not progress. Some of these include him not being ready for a commitment, is scared of getting too close to anyone, is going through a rebound period from a recent relationship, is a player who dates many women, got back together with an ex, realized that you two are not as compatible as he first thought and too many others to name in this article. No matter what the reason, realize that this will happen and not to let it break you or make you stop trying to date new people. It is just the process we must all go through that will eventually lead us to the right person for ourselves.

By the same token, if you realize that a dating relationship is not going in the direction that you would like, don't keep wasting your time trying to force something that is not there. If he tells you he only wants something casual and you want something exclusive or long term, don't keep seeing him, calling him or prolonging a situation that is not conducive to your happiness. Giving him time is not going to change a man who knows early on he does not want to invest in you. So, start investing in yourself. Learn to cut your losses and move on to new people that can meet your needs. Life is too short to settle. Remember, no one is going to look out for your needs as good as you will. Go for the gusto and be more proactive in creating the romantic life you seek by being selective in who you date, how you are treated and evaluate where it is ultimately going.

Rule 16: Trust your intuition

No matter what, always trust your instincts. You were born with them for a reason. If something does feel right, there is usually a reason. Be good to yourself and take your time with the dating process. You will know what feels right to you and who you click with if you listen to your inner voice of reason. Also, don't neglect the advice and insights of friends and family either. They may see an aspect of that person that you may not because you are too involved in the relationship.

Rule 17: Our thoughts shape our reality

Ever heard the expression, you get what you send out? Well, it's true. To attract great people into our lives, we must be healthy within and without. We must love ourselves more than we love anyone else and believe that we deserve the best. We must also not accept bad behavior or disrespect on any level. When we focus our thoughts on what we want, rather than what we do not, we send out a message to the Universe that we are ready for true change on a soul level.

Many women attract relationship patterns because of lessons they have not learned from the previous relationship or are attracting to their life something that they lack in themselves. Do the self-work to become happy with yourself and then begin to seek out new relationships. If you need to get some therapy before jumping back into the dating scene to help you move on from an issue or blockage, then do so. Learn from previous experiences so that you grow stronger and learn what to look out for and avoid in your future.

Put your best foot forward by knowing who you are and letting that wonderful person shine through. At the end of the day, you are the greatest prize and the right guy will treat you the way you think you deserve to be treated.

Zuri Eberhart is an internationally known Reiki master, psychic intuitive and gateway dream coach. She provides insight, healing and self-empowerment services through intuitive guidance, numerology, tarot, dream coaching and energy work. For more information visit: http://www.AskZuri.com

The Golden Rules - A Survival Guide to Dating in the 21st Century

"I'm confused. If I'm really as intelligent, as attractive, as charming and as successful as people say I am, why the heck am I still single? Why can't I find someone??"

Be honest now, how many times have you cried yourself to sleep asking this very question?

You read this article with skeptiscism, yet at the back of your mind; you are secretly hoping that it contains some sort of magical solution or a proven set of simple guidelines that can finally help you net that elusive "right one." You quickly glance back at the title of this article again and the words "Golden Rules of Dating" unwittingly catches your eye this time.

"Golden Rules of dating? There's just too many of them around now," you grumble. Very true indeed. And you'll also notice that most of them actually hold the promise of bringing you one step closer towards capturing the heart of that "special" someone you've been eyeing on.

To be honest, I didn't even know that there were actually dating rules to be adhered to until I turned twenty one and have had quite a fair bit of flings and relationships already. Before this, I had always stuck on to the 21st century way of doing things - that is, go to a pub, make eye contact with a girl you think is really hot, proceed to making out and if you get lucky - much more.

Sounds quite simple and effortless huh?

Well this spontaneous approach to dating has actually led me into several random hook-ups with a variety of women from the petite model who had this creepy lazy eye and sinister-looking crooked smile, to the cute waitress who looked absolutely gorgeous in the dark but then looked totally different out in the light, to the hot and sexy podium dancer who had this uncanny ability to neigh and roar like a noble steed, she also had this bizarre foot fetish as well which I don't even want to GET INTO. Bottom-line? It's been a roller coaster ride that's for sure.

When I finally hit twenty one, that's when I discovered there where actually various rules which I never even knew existed. I only found out about them after reading several books and browsing through various websites.

And you know what else I discovered? I discovered that it's actually a JUNGLE out there. A jungle that consists of men who speak in plain black and white language, and women that are programmed to decode every little aspect of the male behaviour.

I just saw the movie "He's just not that into you" the other day actually, and as embarrassing as this may sound, I think I have a movie-crush (aww shucks!). The movie was realistic, the script was spot on, the characters were smart and witty and most importantly the movie tackled a topic close to our hearts - dating in the 21st century.

"People just don't meet organically any more. If I want to make myself more attractive to the opposite sex, I don't go get a new haircut - I update my profile," Drew Barrymore miserably rants in the movie out of sheer frustration.

Now, doesn't those words just hit home?

Here's something interesting I've noticed in the last five years: I've noticed that a great deal of dating gurus, date doctors, pick-up artists and self-help authors have emerged out of the blue in big numbers armed with their very own unique set of dating rules. Each one of them is also claiming that their own distinctive set of rules is the ultimate magical formula that will enable you to be successful in the dating game.

Verrry interesting indeed.

The funny thing is, many people just decided to blindly follow these rules without really looking into it and delving into details.

The result?

In the end, most people just ended up mystified, bewildered, perplexed and *gasp* dare I say it? Still ALONE.

You know why?

Because most of these dating rules were just too puzzling and too downright absurd. In the end, it ultimately drove hundreds of single people out there to pull their hairs out one by one in frustration and give up on the whole dating scene altogether. Most of them have now just chosen to just stay home and watch reruns of Sex and City all the while shaking their heads at the show and repeatedly saying to themselves "Carrie Bradshaw is soo right. . . so, so right" over and over again.

Well, that actually applies more towards the single women out there, most single men out there on the other hand are probably just surfing the net for some porn.

Am I right, or am I right?

There are now literary hundreds of dating rules out there, it's just crazy. If you surf the net or go to your nearest bookstore, I bet you that you'll be bombarded with hundreds of dating rules from rules in seduction to rules in love to rules in online dating and so on and so forth.

Since when did the dating scene become so damn complicated?? Whatever happened to the old saying that "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be?"

Oops . . . I think I just unleashed my inner little girl there for a second. Sorry, my bad.

Wading through all the rules and exception to the rules that we are bombarded with on a constant basis, I've come to a conclusion that there is one outstanding truth out of all this - it is that the dating scene is not what it used to be. Never in my wildest dreams could I have possibly foreseen that 21st century dating will be an era of online chatting, text messaging, emailing, facebooking, myspacing and googling.

Welcome to the digital era my friend.

The sad thing is, the digital era seems to have erased any thoughts of spontaneously finding the "right" one.

To be honest, I'm still a hopeless romantic at heart. You can call me mushy, you can call me a romantic fool or you can even call me a little girl waiting for his big fat crush to finally arrive - Awww . . .

Bottom-line? I don't think I'm alone either. I think most of us still have this secret hope of finding the "right one" - even though no one would admit it outright.

Ironically, although I do know that dating rules play an important role in the dating jungle, well at least initially, I believe that at some stage, they are actually meant to be broken. Here's the trouble with most of the dating rules around: They rely way too much on the ancient philosophies of femininity and masculinity. They also hold back the most important ingredient to falling in love - our GUT FEELING. Instead of something that should be enjoyable and liberating between two people, these rules actually make the whole dating experience such a difficult task to comprehend.

If there's anything I learned from all my experiences, it's that sometimes you just have to break the rules if you want to achieve happiness. Because the fact is, even if you follow the rules religiously, there are still no guarantees that you'll live happily ever after anyway. Let's face it, in the dating field, situations arise and vary all the time therefore there could be no one "perfect" formula or set of rules because the only thing that's really constant is CHANGE.

Sometimes, it's not even about following or breaking the rules though. Sometimes it's just plain luck or maybe even divine intervention to help you snag the man or woman of your dreams. Wether you like it or not, in the end it all boils down to one solid fact:

If you want to WIN the dating game, you have to PLAY the game.

If you don't like the game then you're more than welcome to sit on the bench since there are plenty of other players aching for some court time. It might take months or maybe even years to find the elusive "right one," you might not even find him or her at the end. But then at the very least, your odds go up when you submit an application form.

Alex Lafrentz is a real-life dating/relationship expert and dating advice columnist for StarCentral Magazine. If you're reading this right now, and you'd like to learn more about how to get more dates, and have more success with the opposite sex in general, then I'd highly recommend that you click on the link below:

http://daily.starcentralmagazine.com/category/advanced-dating-101

The Smart Guide To Dating - How Not To Waste Your Time In The Dating World

In my personal quest to find "the one" I have always found the guy who is "the one for right now" who naturally turns out to be "not quite what I had in mind" and then ultimately "why didn't you guys stop me!" Yes, we have all been there, we have all made our share of mistakes, but that is why we can say we learned from experience, right? Or are we destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over?

Welcome! I am by no means a dating guru; in fact, I have never even had a relationship exceed one month in my life! How dare I even write this article! But, like most people in their twenties, I have had my fair share of pleasant and unpleasant experiences in the dating world to speak with conviction.

For years, in addition to dealing with my own impaired judgment, I have watched both my male and female friends alike go through the same kind of dating drama. It makes me sick how stupid and blind we can be in our own personal struggle to relate to the opposite sex. We find ourselves constantly misinterpreting the actions of the other, justifying ill behavior but then -worst of all- we are guilty of repeating the same mistakes over and over with each new person we meet. It's like we want to get hurt!

I am not suggesting that it is possible to live a life of love that is error free, because lets face it, there is no such thing as perfection. However, there are certain dating mistakes that are possible to avoid and worth avoiding.

The following lists focus on what I feel are ten of the most important dating strategies that most of us tend to ignore in our quest to find love (or what not). Bear in mind, it is the everyday stuff that we ignore that always comes back to haunt us.

For the Ladies

1.The man pursues the woman.

It is as simple as that. Women should not be the hunter, but rather the hunted. Men know what they want and will go after what they want. When women initiate contact by calling a guy, they set themselves up to be let down. If you don't believe me, think very hard about a relationship that you initiated and what happened to the relationship. Maybe things went well for a week, or two, maybe even a month, but after that...POOF! This is because men need to be the pursuer-it is the only true way to know whether they are truly interested. If he is not calling you, then he is probably not interested.

2.Avoid hang-ups!

Do not rub salt in your wounds. Sorry to have to use the cliché on this one, but there is really no better way to put it. Whatever do I mean? Ladies, you know when we think we've moved on from a guy, but then about two months later we decide "Maybe he changed his mind about me" or "Maybe if I call or send him a message, I'll put myself back in his head" NO! There is no excuse for this behavior (alcohol induced or not)! Why? Yes, I will admit, it is fun and entertaining to some extent, but it is a vicious cycle. Don't get hung up on one guy, especially if he's made it clear that he's not worth your time. Hang-ups like these take you two steps back! There are plenty of men out there-no need to stress one! Plus, why would you waste your precious, valuable time on someone who has already slighted you?

3.Two words: OVER-ANALYZATION

Over-analyzing a situation; we are all guilty of doing it on some level - especially those of us that like to think. I encourage thinking but dissecting every word that someone says and analyzing every gesture is torture in the very highest form! Employing bad communication tactics is often the culprit, especially in today's day and age where it has become second nature to use technology as a primary form of communication (i.e. the text message, email). However, no matter what form of communication is being applied, people will continue to baffle one another with impromptu gestures and ambiguous speech. When it comes to certain situations in life, there are a variety of times where one need not know the why part to.

4.Take everything at face value.

"I'll call you" "I want to be with you" Comments such as these mean NOTHING until they happen. Think about it. People like to talk. We are constantly making promises that we never intend to keep and we say things to others because we think it is what they want to hear. Words mean nothing until they are given meaning which of course, is set forth by example.

5.Actions speak louder than words.

This one seems pretty elementary but it's the one we never seem to get right and always try to defend. He didn't call you back when he said he was going to-that's kind of big. Sometimes unforeseen events do arise and it is necessary to cut someone a proverbial piece of slack, but when this happens more than once, especially in the preliminary stages of a relationship, PAY ATTENTION! This is a huge red flag! If someone can't complete a simple chore such as returning a phone call, how do you expect them to respond to larger commitments in the future?

6.Don't expect someone to change.

Never hope for change, because, well, people don't change. If a person has tendencies that you cannot overcome, you need to reexamine your thoughts on where the relationship is going. You should like someone for who they are, not for who you want them to be (weird tendencies and bad habits included).

7.Expecting to build a relationship off of a hook-up = NO!

The scenario: So you meet this guy at a party, and the two of you end up hanging out the entire night. As the evening winds down, things start to progress and before you know it, you are already naked! Oops! You're young, this stuff happens. These are the moments that you will fondly look back on with bittersweet memories when you are older. However, when you start developing feelings for the guy in this scenario and start OBSESSING when he goes MIA after the hook up, don't sit around and wonder why. The physical aspect of a relationship is something to lead up to, not start out at! Relationships should not go backwards! So to those of you out there who have difficulty exercising self-control, avoid physical situations such as the aforementioned. No guy will want to buy the cow when he can get the milk for free!

8.Don't fall for lame excuses!

"Sorry I didn't call, I've been really busy"

So he has had the most horrendous week ever! His cat died, his car was in the shop, he had to stay late at work, his grandma is in the hospital AND he pulled his hamstring at the gym! OK so maybe this one seems a bit unfair and slightly inconsiderate, but I think 95% of guys will agree with me that if they want to talk to someone, they will. Everyone has a cell phone these days and most of us have it within a two-inch radius of us all day long, so if a guy truly wants to talk to a girl, he will find the cliché "5 minutes" to call her or let her know he's thinking about her. It is as simple as that.

9.Put down the phone!

When we like someone, it is usually a natural reaction to want to talk to them, especially if they are not calling us. We abandon all logical ways of thinking and start creating excuses as to why this person is not calling us. Women always want what they cannot have so especially in situations where we feel we are being resisted, it is natural that we try harder. However, the reality of it all is that when we do not make ourselves as available, this is when guys tend to become intrigued. Men love a chase just as much as women do. Don't sell yourself short! [And if they are still not calling, well, I guess it was not meant to be. Move on.]

10.Chalk it up to experience!

One of my most favorite quotes in the world is by Robert Frost. "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." Things happen. Move on. You need to take the lesson that was learned and move forward. Harboring on things that could have happened is pointless. It is impossible to change the past so you may as well learn from it. Some things in life aren't meant to be. There is only one phrase you need to memorize here and that is: "NEXT!"

For the Men

1.Don't play games.

If you like her, call her, pursue her. It is that easy. The time you waste playing games = the time that you are wasting in which you could be getting to know her. It is not about winning or losing or even keeping score (get over yourself). If you are just about having a "commitment free good time" then find yourself a girl with a similar mindset who will sleep with you no strings attached. Do not mess with a person of substance.

2.Initiate a phone call.

The year is now 2008. If you cannot figure out that women like to be pursued, then you are oblivious! DO NOT WAIT FOR HER TO CALL YOU. BEING "SHY" IS NOT AN EXCUSE! Most girls do not buy into this women's lib crap that it is the new thing to call guys and to pursue them, it's weird. When a girl initiates contact first, it changes the dynamics of a relationship before if even begins. Remember: It is one thing for a girl to return your phone call, but to expect her to be the one calling you- that is backwards. Do you guys really want to be undermined by a female?

3.Be a prude.

Most guys do not do this. They are ready to take their clothes off after the first date, maybe even on the first date. Learn to play the prude card. This is a good tactic to try if you really like someone. Since women of today's generation have more control than ever in the bedroom, it is usually in a man's best interest to let her set the pace. By exercising some self-control, this will demonstrate that you are not just in it for some action.

4.Too much too soon

ATTENTION: DO NOT BLOW UP HER PHONE. No one wants to be smothered. It is important to remember that if your calls are less frequent (use judgment) but full bodied and meaningful, you will create a longing. Know where to draw the line. After all, getting to know someone is a process. Enjoy a person- good things should not be rushed! You can never take a relationship to slow, but you always can take it too fast.

5.Be a gentleman. Little gestures go a long way.

This one seems like it would be so easy; Holding a door, offering a jacket, not walking ten feet in front of a girl. Yet, many of you seem not to have mastered the art of basic manners. It has nothing to do with "impressing" a girl but instead, it shows that you have a little something called class and respect (something that is severely lacking in today's generation). It may seem like an old-school ideal, but this one is a good judge of character.

6.Be CONFIDENT!

You may look good, but believe me ,your actions will dictate whether of not you are a solid person. Be who you are and be proud of it. Nothing is more of a turn off then when a guy tries to act like someone or something he's not. Confidence is key. When a person has a good relationship with themselves, it is natural that they will have a good relationship with others. In other words, you need to like you before you can start liking someone else. After all, women are blood hounds-they can sniff out insecurities from a mile away! For example, guys who find the need to boast their salary or even mention it for that matter = INSECURITY (and aside from being an insecurity, it is a really big turn off.)

7.Don't be cheap.

I am not saying that guys should have to foot the bill every time, however, if you ask a girl out, that means you pay. That is a general rule of thumb. Most girls will offer to pay out of kindness-I do this all the time! Half of the time I don't even have my wallet on me! This is not to say that I let a guy pay for every facet of the evening though. Most girls will offer to buy a round of drinks or pick up a parking fee, etc. In this case it is OK to let a girl take care of it, do not argue with her about it. Additionally, if you are ever out with another couple, and even utter the words "separate checks" you may as well just post a sign on your forehead that says "I am cheap!" It isn't rocket science to round the total of a bill and divide it by 2! Suggesting separate checks is extremely tacky and if you are that concerned about money, then maybe you shouldn't be out to dinner.

8.Don't sell yourself.

I once dated this guy that would back up every nice gesture he did by saying "its because I'm a nice guy" (literally every time he did something nice such as pay a bill, or offer his services), and it was such a big turn off, that I would forget what it was that he was even doing nice in the first place. This kind of behavior parallels the whole "actions speak louder than words" idea. There is no need to sell yourself to someone. First of all, if you do a nice deed it should be because you wanted to and because you're a gentleman. There is no need to introduce or close nice gestures with remarks like "because I'm a nice guy." Any girl will notice a nice gesture and will not need it to be brought to her attention. In the event she takes your gentleman-like ways for granted-ditch her and find someone who appreciates them!

9.Be honest. Lying isn't nice.

If you are not that into a girl, you need to tell her. Believe me; ANY girl will respect you more if you are upfront with her. If you don't confront her, then you either have really low self-esteem or loathe the idea of having no one. If you see a girl is into you, and you can't return that same affection, don't be selfish. Additionally, if you don't want to be tied down, say so. When someone gets the wrong idea about you, nine out of ten times it's because you gave them the wrong idea. Moral of the story: If you don't intend on calling her, then don't tell her that you will and get her hopes up.

10.Be prepared to do some work!

Show her that you are interested! This goes back to my favorite rule "actions speak louder than words." No girl wants a lazy guy. I'm not saying that girls should just sit back and relax while the man does all the work. Like anything else in life, it is give and take. However, it is the guy's job to get the ball rolling. Most guys seem to carry the "fear of rejection" gene in which they purposely wuss out of situations. Don't "sissify" yourself! Some situation may require you to take a leap of faith. Just remember: "It is better to have tried and failed then to have never tried at all."

Single Minded Women's No Frills Guide to Internet Dating for Single Moms

You admit it- you were one of those mad-as-hell single Moms who, following your divorce, vehemently proclaimed to anyone who would listen that the last thing you wanted to do was date, or even think about men. You had just lived through alimony, custody and child support battles, and the thought of being romantic with a member of the opposite sex made you feel physically ill.

Now that it's six months later and you've come down from your slightly drama queenesque pedestal, you're ready to take that proclamation off the table. Although you'd convinced yourself that you'd likely spend the better part of your single mommyhood cleaning your kid's dirty underwear and scrubbing down your family's bathrooms, you've come to the realization that the key to your happiness will never come to fruition staring down the rim of a toilet bowl.

While you're aware that rebuilding your fragmented self-esteem will always be a work in progress, you've actually begun to feel a bit more comfortable in your single mom skin, and have even come to the conclusion that the dating pool waters might not be as murky as you once thought.

Sure you have trepidations and nagging reservations ... you haven't been single in years! You can't remember the last time you hit a club or bar as a single gal. Just thinking about the awkwardness of going on a first date with a complete stranger makes you feel jittery. And if that weren't enough to deter you from "getting out there," your once taut body has been ravaged by two C-sections . .

And, yet your inner spunkiness, which has been in hibernation mode these last few months, is itching to break free.

At the very least, you're ready to mingle with other like-minded men and see if you can't find that love connection that has somehow eluded you.

Being that it's the year 2008, you are incredibly in luck! Because of the Internet, gone are the days where you'd be forced to attend singles meat market mixers to find potential suitors: Thank God! Now you can virtually chat and get to know someone all without leaving the comfort of your computer chair.

So, as a single mom ready to test-drive the single parent social scene, just how do you get started dating online?

Create Your Online Profile

According to Audrey Valeriani the author of Boot Camp for the Brokenhearted: How To Survive (and be Happy) in the Jungle of Love, the first step single moms need to take is to create their online profile.

"As far as single mothers go, the more clearthey are on their profiles, the more likely they will be to attract someone who understands the complexities of being a parent--but is still looking to have fun and find love," says Valeriani. "It is vital to find someone who understands that your life as a parent will undoubtedly involve last minute changes, interruptions, strains as well as all the silly celebrations that come with parenting."

One very important tip for creating the perfect online profile: Divulge things about your personality; your likes and dislikes, interests, hobbies and preferences but don't give too much detail about your children. Bottom line: Single moms should be open and honest about what their expectations.

Begin Your Search for a Suitor

Now that you've created your online profile, it's time to post it and begin your search for a potential suitor. But what should you be looking for?

Above all else, Valeriani says, your criteria list should include understanding, humor, patience--and of course, someone who likes children. It is a wonderful benefit to find someone who is in touch with their inner child and knows how to express it!

"As far as single dads are concerned, I do think divorced men have a certain advantage because they already know a little about raising children, are aware of the mistakes they made in their marriages, and are willing to try and do it again wholeheartedly the next time with the right person," says Valeriani.

That said, she also believes that single, never-married men shouldn't be dismissed either. "There may be men out there who just haven't found the right woman and who are dying to have children and would welcome an 'instant' family if they fell in love."

Do the Telephone Tango

Okay, so now you've put together your profile, buzzed through some potential candidates, and you think you've found a match. What's next?

Begin a telephone dialogue and since safety is key, find out basic information about the other person above all else.

"There are people out there who create a profile of who they 'think' they are, or who they think women want. But in reality, they are not that way," says Valeriani."Talking for a while and sharing family stories will help you identify who this person is by example, rather than just trying to evaluate statements and assuming or hoping that the qualities they promise are true."

Some phone tip ice-breakers: Talk about things like your childhoods, your goals and dreams, your typical work day--and just a little about past relationships, pay attention to how he treats or refers to his mother, ex-wife, and past girlfriends, his relationship with his kids (if any), and the hobbies he enjoys in his down time. All of his answers can be very telling and give you great insight into his personality if you listen.

Pick the Perfect First Date Setting

You've had several lengthy phone conversations and now you've got to set-up your first date. Here are Valeriani's tips:

-Pick a central meeting place where both people come on their own and for a limited amount of time.

A good choice is coffee and dessert, or dinner or lunch; a place where you can talk and get a vibe from one another. Definitely not a place like the movies where they will be just sitting in a dark movie staring at a screen;and a situation like that there is no getting to know one another.

-Set a time limit so that neither person will feel rejected when the time comes to leave.

-After the date, communicate honestly via email or telephone about feelings, impressions, and whether or not there was any chemistry there.

Dress to Impress

You've planned the date -now it's time to plan your outfit; what' a good first date outfit?

"Choose an outfit that shows off your figure or best features - but nothing too tight or flashy," says Valeriani. "Pick something that makes you feel a little dressed up. It could be nice jeans and a sweater with a jacket and boots, or a skirt and blouse and heels. Basically,think flattering, both in fit and color."

Be Prepared To Get in the Game and Have Fun

The outfit, suitor and place are all ready to go--all you need to do now is mentally prepare yourself. Although you're staring to feel a bit of your sexy vavavoomness, emotionally you're a bit of a wreck. So, how can single moms prepare themselves emotionally for that first date?

"They should go out expecting nothing other than meeting a nice new friend armed with the knowledge that they are the ones who are in control," says Valeriani. "Single moms shouldn't think 'I hope he likes me' but instead, 'I hope he is a nice guy (yes, I said the "n" word) and I like him.'"

Bottom line; remember that no one is going to be perfect so make sure you discard any "list" you might have made for the perfect man. Instead, give the guy a real chance. Go out there with confidence and be cheerful to be having an adult evening.

And keep in mind: it's just a few hours out of your life.

If it turns out badly, use the experience as practice for the next time. If it turns out good, then decide if he is good enough for you to consider a second date. After that, take the time to get to know one another slowly and if it all works out, go for it.

If you need a little extra kick in the pants to get you motivated pick up a copy of Audrey Valeriani's book, Boot Camp for the Brokenhearted: How To Survive (and be Happy) in the Jungle of Love to help you get on your A-game.

Remember, says Valeriani, your experiences from the past are a plus in assessing those men you meet.

"They all make up the person you are today. As long as people learn from their mistakes and are honest and kind, there is a chance for happiness with someone new. Make sure you accept and love yourself for who you are at this very moment in time, know what you want for your future and be prepared to go out and get it."

Single Minded Women is the Information Nirvana for Single Women everywhere. Please visit and join our growing family at http://www.singlemindedwomen.com

Afro American Dating - Guide to the Online Websites

Are you an afro-american person? Do you seek that special someone? This article will try making it easy for you in getting an on-line date. I will try to underline some of the ups and downs in on-line dating; why should you and why shouldn't you try this type of dating.

Is it O.K.?

What's the difference between initial eye contact across a crowded room and an email via a busy dating website? Perhaps less than you think. The bottom line: you can be as wrong - or right - about someone you slap eyes on in a bar as you can online. And your instincts will still be the only guiding force when it comes to weeding out the lovers from the losers. Fate certainly ensures that we kiss a few frogs before coming up trumps with a Prince - however we meet him. So, as a conclusion, if you want to try on-line dating, go right ahead, because, love can hit you from all the different places.

Just in case you decide to sign up with an online dating agency, here are a few web sites where you can do this, and a few details about them.

http://www.blackplanet.com

BlackPlanet.com is your space to meet people in your community, express yourself, and find information that reflects our cultures and our perspectives.

Here you can find all kind of things from games to forums and news. But the main topic of this site are the afro-american dates.

http://www.afroconnections.com

Not like any other dating site, they offer a Scientific Personality Profile Analysis. Using their test you will discover yourself as well as be able to identify your desired match. The service will pick up your true compatible match, or so they say.

There you can find automated match finder, which will do the work for you. As there are thousands of members just now and just as many joining all the time, keeping up with potentially suitable matches can be time-consuming. All you need to do is give CyberCupid your match criteria and it will scout the database for you on a regular basis. When it finds a match, you will be notified by e-mail or by SMS if you have upgraded to the full service

http://www.love.org/black_dating.htm

Black Dating is Free at Love.Org

Love is the newest and best Black Dating site with ZIP code lookup, large photos & slide show. With the "Mutual Interest" feature, you can rate your level of interest in each member whose profile you review, and members are automatically notified if you are interested. To start, simply create an account and enter a search criterion. Your search patterns can be saved, you can return at any time to resume your search.

http://www.ebonyfriends.com

A great place for black singles to interact with each other, and talk about religion, work, sports, life, relationship, and more by offering valuable services to all the single friends in your city and around the world. You can view dynamic, informative personal profiles of other members! Free registration!

Now there's no excuses - give online dating a go today!

Steve Armstrong is editor of [http://www.blackvelvetinthecity.com] - a website dedicated to providing black dating resources.

Dating Tips For Shy Women - A Girls Guide to Meeting Great Guys

In this article I'd like to write SPECIFICALLY for shy women. The simple truth is that MANY women I speak to, especially during the hot and steamy summer months are having NO fun dating whatsoever. And why is this, you ask? It's actually quite simple - they are BEAUTIFUL and very attractive...but ALSO very shy and deep down, are actually nervous speaking to the men they meet. (even the ones who approach THEM!) So if you find yourself in this predicament, continue reading as we examine some quick and easy fixes that you can make today! Read on.

Filed Under: A Fabulous Philosophy.

Look, I hate to suggest you become egotistical or snobby...but you HAVE to feel you are a fabulous catch to TRULY be attractive to men. The simple truth is that shyness...is OFTEN a euphemism for low self esteem, or self dissatisfaction. It's important to remember that we ALL have our "stuff"..and yours is NO worse than the next girls ( you know..the one who is grabbing all of the great guys. and the ONLY way you are going to develop a sense of positive self worth is through growth.

The VERY best growth comes from MEETING new people, sharing new perspectives and simply having a ton of fun! So get out there and start having some of both.

Filed Under: The On line Advantage

I LOVE on line dating for any number of great reasons. But one of the best ones is that it's EASY to meet new people, especially if you are a bit shy! (and believe it or not, I bite the shy bug myself more often than I'd like to admit. You can really feel someone out, and get to know them FAR easier through email, and phone conversations before meeting for the first time...which gives MANY of us an extra bit of cushion that is MUCH appreciated, and VERY helpful in getting comfortable BEFORE you meet. (try doing some of that in a crowded and musty bar!)

Filed Under: What are You Waiting For?

Stop over-thinking everything.:-) Life is short...and is PASSING, right now as you read this! Simply get out there and take the leap [http://matchmakermagazine.info] into the warm and welcoming waters of online love & lust..:-) The number#1 factor that almost ALL successful online daters have attributed to their success is simply being FEARLESS, going for it and being WILLING to take a chance to finally connect with someone that is TRULY meant for them.

[http://matchmakermagazine.info] --> We Find the Best FREE Online Dating Offers So YOU Don't Have To. Find love....(or LUST..:-) in time for the Weekend!