Online Dating - Increase Your Odds

You're a cute girl, so you have no problems getting dates, right? But lets face it. How often does the man of your dreams approach you at the grocery store and ask you out? Instead it's the 40 and never married guy with the comb-over from accounting who won't take no for an answer, or the lame-o in line at the bank that offers up cheesy lines like, "so you bank here huh?". In today's busy world with infinite ways to communicate with each other, why is it so hard to connect?

Back in the day it was a shameful little secret if you turned to the Internet for love. Uncomfortable silences ensued after someone revealed they met their true love in cyberspace. Well, things have changed. In fact, finding a mate online has many advantages. Say the hunkiest guy on the planet did walk up to you in the grocery store. You might be tempted to say yes to the date, only to find out on Date #3 (and countless hours wasted picking out the perfect outfit and primping in front of the mirror) that he loves to hunt wild game on safari (and has the mounted zebra head to prove it), collects Beanie Babies and lives in his mom's basement. With online dating, you can weed out the duds long before you meet face to face.

That being said, online dating takes some skill. As an attractive woman, you could get overrun by candidates within minutes of posting your profile-a profile you spent hours creating. In fact, Trish McDermott VP of Love and Chief Matchmaker for Engage.com says that even though women will state specific preferences in their profiles, some men respond regardless of whether or not they're a legitimate match.

"Many of the leading online dating sites use models that actually encourage inappropriate behavior, as there are no social consequences for this type of misbehavior," says McDermott. "Men contact women, even when they know they aren't legitimate candidates for a woman's romantic interest, because they can get away with it, and women feel overwhelmed and disrespected as a result."

So what's a girl to do? There are a few things you can do to improve your odds for success at online dating. For starters, if you're having trouble with one dating site, try a different one.

McDermott suggests setting up a "filter". "Be specific about the things that really matter in your profile. Do you ever wonder about questions that most dating sites ask, like the ideal eye color of a potential date? We really don't need to drill down into every attribute or quality a potential date might have, and no one wants to eliminate an otherwise fabulous match because his eyes were blue, rather than green. That said, we all have dating deal breakers. Why not be proactive and rather than waiting for men to contact you, try screening for all your deal breakers?"

According to McDermott, you want to be specific but not turn off potential suitors with snobbery. "To further narrow down the filed of contenders, you may have to be direct about the type of person you are seeking," she says. "If possible, focus on what you want, versus what you don't want. So instead of saying you don't want to date hunters, you might say you are especially passionate for animal rights activists. If you go negative, and list traits and attributes that disqualify people, you may come across as judgmental or mean spirited. "

So you've narrowed it down to a few lucky guys. But you've got a full-time job, 2 dogs and a guinea pig, yoga class three times a week, your chair of the local book club and can't miss weekly happy hour with the girls. How in the world do you make time for your virtual dates?

Pre-dates are a good way to manage your dating schedule. Pre-dates are quick meet and greets, like meeting for coffee or a dog play date. You have a built-in timeframe. If there's no chemistry, you really only have to stay for 20-30 minutes (I have to get back to work or Fluffy's due for his medication).

Another concern with meeting men online is that sometimes guys exaggerate their positive features. Maybe they posted a picture from five years ago when they had hair or didn't have that beer belly. There's really no way to avoid the fibbers without asking for a webcam session. If you're comfortable with that then go for it. Just make sure you can block the person after the fact if things don't work out. But say you've agreed to meet Bachelor #1 at a coffeeshop for a pre-date and you show up to find Bachelor Not a Chance in Hell, how do you make a gracious exit?

Experts say you should be honest, but use tact. Of course if you get a dangerous vibe from the person, take precautions. Always meet in a safe place and if you think a guy is acting strangely or threatens you, stay put and call a friend or ask an employee or security guard/police officer to escort you to your car. Before meeting keep personal information to a minimum (like where you work and live).

"I'm all for being kind (unless someone has purposely deceived me)," McDermott says " but frank in these instances. Cut the date, or pre-date, as short as you possibly can, thank him for taking the time to meet with you and let him know you just don't sense a good fit between the two of you, then smile, say goodbye and walk away."

And what if you are on the date and you start to get the feeling that the gorgeous guy sitting across from you is single because he's a closet chauvinist? McDermott says to smoke him out before you agree to meet Mr. Would-be Chauvinist.

"One red flag for chauvinistic men can be in their search criteria. If a man is only comfortable meeting women who are "less" than he is--younger, less educated, earning less income--that can be a sign that he thinks the man should always be more powerful, and the woman more dependent, in a relationship."

So now that you're an online dating expert, what are you waiting for? Get out there and find the man of your dreams.

A. Covington is a fashion and beauty writer. She lends her beauty IQ to her beauty blog. Her readers get a daily dose of beauty tips and cosmetics product reviews, plus articles on makeup, skincare, hair products, and the latest fashion trends. Amy maintains three blogs for Belisi Fashions, a luxury accessories brand based in Palm Beach.