Dating Advice For Women - Dating Again After a Bad Hurt Or the Death of a Spouse

Getting over hurt after a relationship or after the death of a spouse or partner can really be difficult. These suggestions can help you:

Dealing With Hurt

Hurt is difficult to deal with. The best way to deal with it is to get back out there as soon as you can, consistent with making good sense. The fastest way to forget "him" is to start seeing some nice gentlemen, enjoying things again and finding another "him." Do not let an unrealistic focus on someone paralyze you. No one is worth that. Some women torture themselves for years over a past hurt or over not being able to have who they want. You know the line about dreams. Be careful. They might come true.

Be careful what you wish for so ardently. Have a real life instead. If you are coming from a hurtful situation, just gently tell the men you meet, as one lady did to me, that you have come off of a difficult relationship, and you need to take things slowly. If he is a good man, he will understand.

Death of A Partner

There is a different kind of hurt when someone loses their love to death. Sometimes it is sudden, which is hard to deal with emotionally, and sometimes financially. Other times it can be the result of a long illness, which can be very draining emotionally and physically. While the love who has died may be sorely missed, the very practical problem the survivor can face is loneliness. Some women cope with this by spending more time with their family and friends and taking up new interests. For some women that is enough. New relationships aren't for everyone.

I had a wonderful and cheerful aunt who was widowed for many years. She never remarried, although I'm sure she could have easily. She always seemed very content with her situation and enjoyed spending a great deal of time with her children and grandchildren. For other women though, they have a loneliness that they realize only having another love and companion can satisfy. There's a difference in being content and "contenting yourself". If what you really want is love, be open to possibilities and do something about it, and be as content with your current situation as you can be in the meantime, by actively trying to fill it with things that interest you.

Sometimes there may be a wave of "guilt" because of needing love again. There shouldn't be any. Your deceased spouse had all the time allotted to him. Hopefully, it was a good one you shared together. Keep those good memories in that special place in your heart no one can touch. (Any caring new love will be respectful enough to help you honor that.) But if your husband was truly in love with you, and sees you aching in loneliness, it is hard to imagine that a truly loving and unselfish husband wouldn't want you to be happy again. If you're thinking "You didn't know my _______. He'd never want me with anybody else. Ever." If that's the case, he'd be being pretty unfair to you and pretty selfish. He is gone and you are still here and need to have a life. And deserve to have one. Value the love you had. Remember the good times always. Then get on with your valuable time, and make love part of it again. You are worth it and you deserve it. Go for it.

Some women might say "I could never get married or have a relationship again. There will never be another love like John." That's true. There won't be. He was an original. We all are. But that doesn't mean that you can't find a different kind of love with another fine man, who has equally praiseworthy characteristics of his own, that you could build satisfying tomorrows with.

If you are widowed and lonely, I sincerely hope you will give love together with someone else a chance. If you meet the right person, he will make it easier for you to do. You may both have memories, good and not so good of the past, but together you can build a future of love and caring together. Do not feel as if you are abandoning your former time and its memories, you're just adjusting to an uncontrollable changing situation and building a new life for yourself.

And do not worry about what other people think. Sometimes children and friends are aggrieved when a widow decides to date again. They do not have the same perspective you have because of age, or because they haven't been through the experience you've been through. While they are well meaning most of the time, they are also not the ones who have to take walks alone, eat alone, spend evenings alone or go to bed without the warmth and comfort of their love next to them. Do what your heart tells you. You can be happy again. When you are, you will wonder why you didn't act sooner. Love and romance are there for the taking. Isn't now the time?

Larry Danks is the author of Finding The Right Man For You: Dating Advice For Women. The Table of Contents and further information is available on: [http://www.FindingTheRightManForYou.com] The book is available through Amazon.com and all leading booksellers.