Over 40 Dating Advice - Are You Ready to Have the Time of Your Life Or Waiting to Get Motivated?

My client Sharon called in for her monthly coaching appointment last night. We talked about how things were going on her dating journey. What had she done to find the love she wants?

Surprisingly, Sharon had done very little. She did have a number of excellent excuses. For example: work was really busy, she's remodeling her home and she had several family outings. So, I asked her point blank, "Where does dating and meeting the right man for you fall in your list of priorities?" Sharon responded that it was number three or four.

My next question made a big impact, "Where does this goal need to be to actually make something happen this spring/summer? Is what you are currently doing working?" Not really Sharon begrudgingly admitted.

Sharon is like so many of my clients who say one thing, yet do another. This is the human condition. Who knows why? Is Sharon afraid of rejection? Tired of making the effort? Sick of dating? Worried her efforts will be wasted because the likelihood of meeting the right man is so small?

Do these thoughts sound familiar? This is the research I've been doing, working hard to understand what will motivate women to step it up and take dating seriously. Without the intention to make dating a higher priority, nothing much will happen. Looking for love is just like any goal. It requires a plan and taking action. You have to meet men to weed through the prospects to find the right one for you.

And I've come to a new conclusion about this lack of motivation and what can be done about it. Take a deep breath now...Stop worrying if every single night out or speed dating or email will produce. Instead, it's time to shift gears. This is what I proposed to Sharon and she went for it.

For a change this season, what if you decided to have your most flirty, friendly, fun-filled, time of your life? If you meet him or not isn't the point. The point is to step up your allure, start thinking of yourself as a desirable woman and interact with men. Lots of men! Imagine what that would be like?

The truth is anyone can do this. And anyone can have fun with this process. But it is a CHOICE. Because you could also choose to leave everything status quo. You can do something once or twice a month and not meet many men. You can continue to complain or say it's just too hard. You can let time slip by as you put this off.

Tick Tock. That's the days of your life, your time slipping by without you doing anything to satisfy your deep desire to have a loving relationship. Believe me, I wish I could do this for you. But all I can do is write these articles or work with you individually and cheer you on from the side lines.

I can make a big promise however and I will do so right here and now. If you decide, like Sharon, that you are ready to have the spring/summer of your life from a flirty, fun perspective, YOU CAN DO IT!

This is a completely possible and very do-able goal and just think of how much fun it can be! What if you shored up your confidence so you knew without question that men find you attractive, got to be good at flirting and met lots of men? What if you noticed that men appreciate you, want to talk with you, and desire you? What would that be like?

Admit it - it would be a total blast - and you can't deny it!

Helen of Troy had the power to launch a thousand ships for a battle that is still being told today, thousands of years later. All you have to do is dress up, adopt the right mindset and get out there to meet people. As a woman, this is your birthright.

Do it. Start right now. There's nothing in your way but you. Get out there and have the most amazing warm weather season of your romantic life. I know you can do it. And when you look back, it will all have been totally worthwhile, I promise.

Discover 5 Big Turnoffs that Drive Men Away and 7 Surefire Ways to Make Men Want You by Ronnie Ann Ryan, The Dating Coach. Get her FREE ebook instantly, at http://www.after40datingtips.com Ronnie found love and married after 40 and knows you can too! She's helped over 1,500 people jumpstart or accelerate their search for love. People fall in love every day. You could be next!

How To Stop Waiting For The Perfect Partner and Find Love Now

All have a dream of perfection, of the perfect mate who will understand their every need before they say it and match their inner image of woman/man at their best. This person is the perfect complement, able to bring out his best, free the person from inhibition; someone they will be proud to be seen with in the world.Some might say that this is really a search for the Holy Grail. Others might suggest that clinging to this image of perfection is a defense, preventing a real life person from being able to win the seeker's heart.

The yearning for the perfect mate manifests itself differently, and has various consequences in a person's life. Some realize what they're feeling. Others are entirely unconscious of what is going on inside. I was looking for perfection," said Hans, "I would only go out with extraordinarily beautiful women - models, women like that. Then, when I met someone who seemed to fit the bill there was initial crush and a certain period when it kept up.

Then she got on my nerves.I would suddenly start to realize little things that they weren't perfect; her skin, way of talking - really superficial, silly things. From that moment, I was basically leaving them all the time. One of the powerful aspects of waiting for the perfect lover is the belief that the person will always stay exactly the same. Based upon an image, rather than reality,we believe that this person can never be touched by the ravages of time. But when we seek an image, rather than reality, inevitably things fall apart. Each person has their own specific dream of the perfect lover or mate For some she's beautiful, sexual, unconditionally loving, giving him whatever he wants. She seldom talks back and gives little trouble.

She is there predominantly to glorify him, reflect on his manhood and sexual prowess. Who she is as a person is secondary. Not only is it secondary, in many cases her personality, ambitions and individuation seriously get in the way. For others the perfect lover is tough. She'll challenge, stimulate, perhaps even abuse. She's there to make him toe the line, perhaps reminiscent of his childhood experiences with a strict parent.

As people wait and long for this perfect lover, they cannot see the person who is in front of them. That person becomes only someone to fill up time, until the perfect person appears on the scene. When people leave this kind of secondary relationship, they may not feel as though they're leaving, because they've never really been there in the first place. They've never had the chance to really know if this person could have been right for them or not.

When a person is seen simply as an extension of one's identity, then seeking the perfect woman is really seeking perfection in oneself. A person who lives this way is skating on thin ice. Only a strong sense of self, based upon inner values and self respect will permit a person to create a solid relationship that will last through time and grow richer and fuller, rather than blow away in the wind.

Hans continued, "I finally just got completely bored with it all. I don't know if it was age, or if I was just becoming more aware, but I never had a feeling of fulfillment, no matter how many women I had. Finally I met someone who was better for me. This was a completely different situation from my other relationships. Probably though, I had to change and grow, so I could meet and appreciate a person like my wife. Hans had to go through a period of emptiness, and depression as he realized the unreality of his search. An image brings only temporary pleasure. It can never bring fulfillment. In order to find real love, Hans started to work on himself, to meditate, take long walks, and find what was important in his life. As he did this, he was taking responsibility for making himself happy, finding his own core. As he felt better about himself, he felt better with others as well.

Soon he began to appreciate the different women he met for who they truly were. From this vantage point it became easy to find a relationship that would truly nourish both of them. When we make someone else into an image, we are simultaneously doing the same to ourselves. An image can never bring happiness; only a real flesh and blood person who we respect and admire, can do that.

Men tell in their own words why they left relationships, in winning e-book Why Men Leave. Build a relationship that really works. Download now at http://www.whymenleave.com . Top psychologist has helped thousands. Free ezine and articles http://www.brendashoshanna.com . topspeaker@yahoo.com