I'll admit it. There was a time not so long ago where I thought the whole online dating thing was a waste of time. But I discovered a secret that took me from sitting in my house watching movies alone to being the Dating Site Maven with 4 dates a week!
This is the story of how that happened and how you, too can skip the painful experimentation stage and move on to the more fun stage - getting offline and out dating.
At the age of 50, I went from being engaged to be married (no easy task at any age) to being suddenly single. I soon discovered that chance meetings in book stores and coffee shops were a thing of the past. After enduring several unsuitable dates arranged by well meaning friends, I mustered up the courage to try online dating.
I admittedly entered this genre screaming and kicking; subconsciously sabotaging my efforts at every turn with disastrous results. I did all the usual "dating prep work": stylish hair cut, nice clothes, updated make-up, brightening teeth etc, but because I truly did not want to travel down this road at this point in my life, my attempt was half hearted - and that never works.
A depressed friend shot the first round of photos, while discouraging me about my chances for success. (ouch) In retrospect, the pictures were sad, uninviting and desolate, like the ones taken in a pinch with a cell phone camera. My first vague attempt at a profile wasn't much better. It was just plain boring. I was clear about what I didn't want, yet did little to invite prospective dates in to my world.
For the next year or so my profile netted nothing more than a couple of coffee dates. And so like so many others, I declared "it just doesn't work" and "it's nothing more than a waste of time." I had entered the "being stuck in cyberspace dating doldrums" phase.
So I "gave up for good" and vowed never to revisit this path - until I met several upbeat 50+ women, with online dating success stories. Hmmm. What were they doing that I wasn't? And so I entered phase two with a serious attitude adjustment.
I decided to use my background in marketing and business to give my profile page a "makeover." How would I market me? I made a one to two year commitment to the business of "finding love." I would create my own "brand" and "marketing campaign."
First and foremost I needed new pictures - new professional photographs.
Tip no. One - get great professional photos that look like you do NOW. You may think that this is expensive. Maybe, but there are some strategies you can use to help manage the cost. Look around and you may find plenty of creative types willing to trade services for great pictures. Perhaps you could trade marketing or advertising expertise for photos. Think outside the box and make your needs known, as I did. The photographer you select needs to be highly creative with the ability to capture your different moods; some playful, serious, sexy, contemplative, spunky and confident. Think of the some of the great photographs you've admired which transfixed not only the image, but displayed the essence of the personality and spirit. That needs to be your goal for the photo shoot, so don't be shy and don't settle for less.
Then I got a new wardrobe and had the photographer focus just on me.
Tip no. 2 Keep it Simple. I used only two sets of clothes; one dressy and another nice casual, which worked out fine. Here's the most important part to remember: on-line dating pictures are only about you and no one else. I know, you want people to think that you are dating online "by accident," so maybe your photo page is filled with pictures of your children/grandkids/pets/art etc. Mistake! And trust me, people looking at your profile don't' care about your trip to the Grand Canyon, Hawaii, India or Tibet. Why? They don't know you - yet. Frankly it is too much information for strangers in cyberspace.
I used my marketing background to describe myself, without pretending to be someone I am not.
Tip no. 3: Be truthful, consistent and avoid being too general. Spend some time thinking about your subject line for your online profile. It should be a bit catchy but not too provocative. The same is true for the narrative within your profile. You wouldn't just throw together the first thing that comes to your mind in a business proposal, so use the same strategy for your profile.
Don't change your profile too many times or people may wonder what you're up to - or even if you're the same person - which can be a little weird.
Be specific about what you are looking for and what you have to offer. Nearly everyone likes sunsets and beaches, so use descriptive words and specific destinations that might pique some interest. And PLEASE be honest about your age. This is one of the most common complaints about on line dating.
Finally don't rush the process. If you are recently out of a long term committed relationship or widowed, it make take a long time - and that's OK. Remember the process is about you, so put your best foot forward and take the leap. You may be surprised to find there are others in the same position who also seek a meaningful connection.
Today, I enjoy as many as 4 dates per week, all because I looked at myself and my profile differently. If your dating site profile is attracting "all the wrong people" consider getting someone to play neutral third party, like I do for my clients every day. Soon you'll attract the dates you're really looking for and maybe someday soon, you'll find "the one."
To your online dating success,
Christine
Christine Jager helps men in their 50's and better create dating sites that attract their ideal date. Known as the Dating Site Maven, she also publishes a newsletter filled with tips and information to get you offline and out dating. Visit http://christine-jager.blogspot.com to learn more.
