When you're after a different outcome, more of the same will not get you what you want. It seems like a blinding flash of the obvious. As a man who has reviewed a lot of women's profiles, the difference between success and failure in online dating/meeting is in the profile. If no one is emailing you (or they're ignoring yours, when you email them)...you're getting nowhere fast. It's time to do something different. There's usually a reason you're not getting responses and the chances are, it's your profile. The first question I would ask is, "Are you targeting your communication to men?" Seems pretty basic and straightforward. But it never ceases to amaze me how many women write as though they were writing to other women.
Which brings me to my first observation about your profile. If you've finished your profile but haven't run it past a guy to ask him if HE likes it... then you're really not finished writing your profile. If you don't have a "guy mentor" yet, get one! I know, I know. You're much more comfortable asking women for advice. Get over it. It isn't that the women you know who aren't sympathetic to your cause, or don't have information that's relevant. They do. It's just that their perspective won't be particularly helpful, if your audience is guys.
Suppose you could talk to your cat and your dog...and they could answer you in a way you could understand. If your dog wasn't eating well, but you were uncomfortable talking to the dog about his/her problem, would you ask the cat why the dog wasn't eating? Probably not. Because you recognize that while they have a lot in common, they're not the same. Even if they get along really well, they're still anatomically and psychologically different. Same with men and women. We all know this, but so many women who behave as though this was news when it comes to their profiles.
So what do you need to do to rev up your profile and improve your chances of achieving the desired outcome? Funny you should ask. I'm going to tell you. It's easier (and harder) than you think. Let's take a look at it from the perspective of men in the 21st Century. In order for you to get consistent responses based on your profile, men need to get favorable answers to the following questions; and pretty much in the order below.
1. Do I find you attractive? That's a convoluted question he won't be able to answer until you've met. But he'll have a good idea if you have several photos posted. (Not one; several...) Why several? Because just one photo suggests you went spelunking for the best you had and posted it...never mind how old it is. Post several; all different, all recent.
2. Will it "feel good" to be with you? (Most of the time.) If he's relationship-oriented, he really wants to know. In addition, if he has two brain cells to rub together, he also knows it won't always feel good. But he's okay with that if it does most of the time. You convey this in your profile essay. (The key here is to write enough...but not too much!)
3. Do I have what it takes to be "the one" as you are likely to define it? (His question to himself as he is reading your profile.) The answer lies in your essay and the factual portion of the profile, in the form of what you say you want. If he has doubts about his ability to measure up, he's likely to click next.
4. How badly do I want to find out if we might click? This is all about approachability. If you come across as demanding, difficult or disappointed, he'll probably opt out. He would prefer to feel that you're likely to be receptive. If he doesn't he may still try, but even the most confident will be out the if your profile doesn't make you "feel" approachable in taken as a whole. Oh and by the way...the guys who will answer, if your profile doesn't feel approachable are less likely to be the loving, supportive kind. Trust me on this one...
If the answers to one or more of these questions are unfavorable, he's probably clicking next. If the answers are all favorable, you're likely to have an email to answer, tomorrow. It's that simple. Don't let your own head or the "best advice" of your girlfriends over complicate this. The tough part is conveying the desired impression in a way that is accurate, attractive and short enough that it gets read. "Short enough" generally means a profile essay of about 16-20 lines, give or take. "I'm supposed to summarize who I am, what I want and why he should choose me in 20 lines?" you ask incredulously.
In a word...Yep! I said it was simple. I didn't say it would be easy. But if you're not getting answers to your emails or hits on your profile, look at the four elements I outlined above and then read your profile. Chances are you have overlooked one or more of the above...which is why you're not getting as many responses as you deserve. That's likely to be true, even if you're drop-dead, traffic-stopping gorgeous and all your photos make that very clear. It really is true, ladies. Keep the four questions above in mind and if it's not working for you now, consider revising your profile. Remember that more of the same won't get you more of what you want!
Want more information on how to write a profile that gets responses? Click through now to [http://www.thenofearguide.com] and help yourself to a complimentary copy of the extended version of this article, as well as some of the other resources available on the site. Dirk Sayers is a 10 year veteran of online dating and is the author of The Woman's No-Fear Guide to Online Dating. Take advantage of a man's perspective today!
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