Dating Advice For Women - Dating Again After a Bad Hurt Or the Death of a Spouse

Getting over hurt after a relationship or after the death of a spouse or partner can really be difficult. These suggestions can help you:

Dealing With Hurt

Hurt is difficult to deal with. The best way to deal with it is to get back out there as soon as you can, consistent with making good sense. The fastest way to forget "him" is to start seeing some nice gentlemen, enjoying things again and finding another "him." Do not let an unrealistic focus on someone paralyze you. No one is worth that. Some women torture themselves for years over a past hurt or over not being able to have who they want. You know the line about dreams. Be careful. They might come true.

Be careful what you wish for so ardently. Have a real life instead. If you are coming from a hurtful situation, just gently tell the men you meet, as one lady did to me, that you have come off of a difficult relationship, and you need to take things slowly. If he is a good man, he will understand.

Death of A Partner

There is a different kind of hurt when someone loses their love to death. Sometimes it is sudden, which is hard to deal with emotionally, and sometimes financially. Other times it can be the result of a long illness, which can be very draining emotionally and physically. While the love who has died may be sorely missed, the very practical problem the survivor can face is loneliness. Some women cope with this by spending more time with their family and friends and taking up new interests. For some women that is enough. New relationships aren't for everyone.

I had a wonderful and cheerful aunt who was widowed for many years. She never remarried, although I'm sure she could have easily. She always seemed very content with her situation and enjoyed spending a great deal of time with her children and grandchildren. For other women though, they have a loneliness that they realize only having another love and companion can satisfy. There's a difference in being content and "contenting yourself". If what you really want is love, be open to possibilities and do something about it, and be as content with your current situation as you can be in the meantime, by actively trying to fill it with things that interest you.

Sometimes there may be a wave of "guilt" because of needing love again. There shouldn't be any. Your deceased spouse had all the time allotted to him. Hopefully, it was a good one you shared together. Keep those good memories in that special place in your heart no one can touch. (Any caring new love will be respectful enough to help you honor that.) But if your husband was truly in love with you, and sees you aching in loneliness, it is hard to imagine that a truly loving and unselfish husband wouldn't want you to be happy again. If you're thinking "You didn't know my _______. He'd never want me with anybody else. Ever." If that's the case, he'd be being pretty unfair to you and pretty selfish. He is gone and you are still here and need to have a life. And deserve to have one. Value the love you had. Remember the good times always. Then get on with your valuable time, and make love part of it again. You are worth it and you deserve it. Go for it.

Some women might say "I could never get married or have a relationship again. There will never be another love like John." That's true. There won't be. He was an original. We all are. But that doesn't mean that you can't find a different kind of love with another fine man, who has equally praiseworthy characteristics of his own, that you could build satisfying tomorrows with.

If you are widowed and lonely, I sincerely hope you will give love together with someone else a chance. If you meet the right person, he will make it easier for you to do. You may both have memories, good and not so good of the past, but together you can build a future of love and caring together. Do not feel as if you are abandoning your former time and its memories, you're just adjusting to an uncontrollable changing situation and building a new life for yourself.

And do not worry about what other people think. Sometimes children and friends are aggrieved when a widow decides to date again. They do not have the same perspective you have because of age, or because they haven't been through the experience you've been through. While they are well meaning most of the time, they are also not the ones who have to take walks alone, eat alone, spend evenings alone or go to bed without the warmth and comfort of their love next to them. Do what your heart tells you. You can be happy again. When you are, you will wonder why you didn't act sooner. Love and romance are there for the taking. Isn't now the time?

Larry Danks is the author of Finding The Right Man For You: Dating Advice For Women. The Table of Contents and further information is available on: [http://www.FindingTheRightManForYou.com] The book is available through Amazon.com and all leading booksellers.

The Ultimate Pickup Line! "Do You Believe in Love at First Sight? Or Should I Walk by Again?"

The sun is slowly drifting into the horizon and you set your gaze on your target from the dark corners of the bar. She's wearing this beautiful backless ruby-red dress that flawlessly drapes down her slim body and then onto her 3-inch gold-coloured sequined heels. The jet-black wooden floorboards and the dimly lit chandelier fixed above her give her almost a halo look. You then remove yourself from the dark shadows and position yourself at the end of the bar. You're ever so close because now she's only a couple of seats away. You gaze slyly at her again and this time she responds by smacking her supple red lips whilst giving her long dark hair a gentle toss to the left. Her sharp amber-brown eyes now scan for any slight movements in your facial expression. You sense that the gatekeeper has given you an opportunity to pass so you walk up to her and say...

"Hey, you're super hot Babe! You're like burning up in my atmosphere! May I buy you a drink?"

What do you think her response would be?

UrbanDictionary.com defines a pickup line as a "one-liner used to attract the opposite sex that can sometimes be effective, but usually comes off as cheesy and overly stupid." David DeAngelo, a well known dating coach in the United States defines a pickup line as "a form of merging an arrogant cocky attitude with being funny." He even goes to say that it is the most effective way of engaging someone's attention (only if you don't screw it up of course!). Irrespective of these definitions, I would be calling you a liar if you told me that you have never used a pickup line.

I'm sure pickup lines have even been used since the dawn of mankind. The only difference was that the Neanderthals used gifts of food as opposed to spoken language. All he had to do was go into the wilderness, find himself a plump-juicy deer, kill it and then take it back to the village for her. I'm sure quite a few of us would find this easier when compared to extreme trials and tribulations of the current dating scene.

When it comes to current dating scene, I'll admit that there is one line that I love to use. I use this not because I think it will work but because I think it's just an extremely smooth opener that is sure to get a cheeky smile out of her. "Excuse me. I think you owe me a drink." [She says, "Really? Why?"] "Because when I saw you from across the room I dropped mine. It was a gin and tonic, and I'm [insert name]". Now the beauty of pickup lines is that no matter what you say, if you deliver it with confidence and a reassuring smile then it might just actually work. In other words, believe it will work and you might be successful.

When it comes to really being successful, I love to sincerely compliment the girl on a subtle detail that adds an extra 20 minutes to the time she needed to get ready because this is what separates the gentleman from the little stuttering boys. Accompanying this is then a line that poses her a challenge. For example, "That's a gorgeous pendant around your neck but I was wondering if there is a personality to match." Is this the ultimate pickup line? Nah, not really because it's even simpler than that!

The ultimate pickup line is the line that exudes simplicity - It is the creme de la creme of ALL pickup lines. To me, nothing beats a simple "Hey, how are you doing?" When you think about it, it's not really a pickup line at all because it's just 5 words and a question mark. Forget about cheesy pickup lines! Forget about making an ass out of yourself! Genuinely ask her how she is and from her response, ask her another question. In terms of what to ask is an entirely different topic altogether but I'm sure you get me. Great conversationalists know how to ask questions and they say hardly anything at all because they know people love talking about themselves.

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One of the greatest joys in life, in addition to never failing to put a smile on my face, is the thrill of approaching, conversing and then finally connecting with someone with whom I've just met 15 minutes ago.

We meet people everyday i.e. at work when we first start a job, at the local bar where we have Friday night drinks, when we get a coffee at the local barista or during the weekend when we head off to an art exhibition. EVERYWHERE! It all seems natural but when it comes to meeting new people for love/sex/dating/relationships, something kicks in (I don't know if it's fear) and we seem to revert back to a Neanderthal stage where simple language skills are thrown out the window. Dating in my eyes is all about being a stronger communicator. In addition to this, it's about simple principles that are the backbone of how we all interact with one another.

My goal is to inspire men to become stronger communicators in all of their relationships.

Middle Aged Dating Tips - Getting Started Again

Many people are now starting to try to get back in the dating game after many years of being married, either due to divorce or being widowed. Regardless of why you are back on the dating scene, trying to date at middle age can be fairly intimidating. If you have been married or with someone for a very long time, you will quickly see that the dating scene has changed a good bit since the last time you dated. How do you get started again, and find that special someone? That is the focus of this article.

The first thing to do is to really take a good look at your own wants and needs. Before you can possibly try to go out and date someone else, you need to have some type of idea of the type of person you would want to date. The best way to do that is to know those things that you are willing to compromise on, and those things that you are not. If you are a Christian, nonsmoking, animal rights lover for example, you would not want to go out hunting for an Atheist, smoking, fur lover. This seems obvious, but it is something we all must do when going into the dating market. At middle age, you do not want to waste a lot of time dating people that you know you will not have any long term interest in. Find those qualities you are looking for, and then move on to the next step.

The next step is to take those qualities you are looking for in a date, and consider where you might find such a person. If you love racing, get out to the racetrack. If you love dancing, get out to the various dancing clubs around. Generally speaking, it is easy to figure out where you might find those people that suit you if you just give it some thought.

Another middle aged dating tip is get out and try something new. Many people find someone to spend time with simply by attending a "beginners" type activity. The benefit here is that all are beginners in the classes, so you instantly have something in common to talk about. Jump into conversation with those around you, and you might be surprised that a number of them may be single. Do not be afraid to ask somebody out if they attract you and they seem to be of the same mind.

The biggest key to middle aged dating is to get out there and try. So many people do not even try as they feel they are too long out of the game. The bottom line is that every age group has a number of people that are in the same situation as you, and they are just as scared and nervous. You simply need to get out there and find them so that you can be nervous together.

When dating at middle age, it is also important to take things slow and resist the normal urge to rush. Many middle-agers feel as though "the clock is ticking" and that they must find someone quickly. This is simply not the case for the vast majority, and finding the wrong middle age date is much worse than being alone. Take your time and find that person that you enjoy. They are out there, and you will find them if you just put in some effort.

After years of being in a relationship, you need to also realize that the times changed in the dating world. There are now tons of options that were not out there when you were younger. Online dating services are a wonderful way to meet people of the same interests, and are rather easy to use. Just be sure that you do some online dating research and find a reputable online dating service to use.