On your mark...Get set...GO! The runners explode off the starting line. Now, while standing on the sideline, this is not hard for those that are merely spectators, because they did not see all the training and hard work that went into the runners getting prepared for the competition. Often, I run into my married friends that ask me about my sexual prowess and ability to meet women. There is no trick behind it, it is just a lot of trial and error over the years. I would like to help those of you get a 6 month head start on your learning curve whether you have been out of the dating game for a while, or perhaps that you have been at it a while and have not seem to have been successful.
There are a few social reforms that have taken place in America in the past twenty years and without being knowledgeable of those changes, you may find dating a little uncomfortable. So, to go ahead and warn you, this is not a quantum leap into bed with your soul mate, but a journey through personal growth and discovery that may just show you that you are not looking for the type of person you thought you were.
So, as we begin searching for who you want, you must first ask yourself, who you are? A lot of people don't realize that first the conditions must be right for dating. Ask yourself these questions:
1) Are you employed or self-employed making an income in which you can save 50% of your net income every month?
2) Do you have a car that starts every time you turn the key?
3) Are you living in a home that you wouldn't mind bringing a stranger to?
4) Who are you living with?
Why do I ask these simple questions? I'll explain quickly, but this is not the meat of this article/ For one, dating can be as expensive or inexpensive as you would like. However, being able to pay half for the encounters will leave both parties feeling better. I, as a man, love paying for dates, however, if the woman has NO intention of paying for anything, I begin to question her issues. If a man and woman have agreed on a second date, regardless of who asks, should offer to pay for at least a portion of the date. If my date says, "I'll pay for dinner.", than I may respond with, "That's fine, but I would like to buy our drinks at the club.", if there is going to be a spin around the dance club. In this way, it takes the financial strain off dating.
Are you slave to public transportation? Some city-dwellers have become so dependent on public transportation that they refrain from owning a vehicle in the first place. With the rising cost of fuel, this seems like a good idea. However, if your date gets it in their head that they are going to have to chauffeur you to and fro across the land, the number of dates before your ship sinks may drop quickly. If you are riding with someone out on dates, at least offer to pay for gas. Again, dating is expensive and if you help relieve some of the financial tension, it will quickly leave a warm impression on your date.
Every man's home is his castle, but that doesn't make it a castle. Keep your place clean. Women and men can make a quick assessment of a person's lifestyle by the cleanliness of their homestead. If you wouldn't eat on your bathroom floor, than it is too dirty. My suggestion is that focus needs to be on the toilet, the shower, the bed, and the kitchen. You don't have to be Howard Hughes to have a nice place. Schedule a few hours a week to do a deep cleaning on your place. If you do have any trash sitting about, it should be because you have separated it for recycling. Also, if you are a grown adult, look at what you have on your walls. Only high school and college kids can get away with posters of sports cars, models, alcohol, and rock bands, covering their walls. Tear all of it down. I would suggest investing in nice mirrors or paintings. If you do have a nice print that you would like to hang, put it in a frame and make sure that it compliments the decor in the house.
Lastly, people need to know who you are living with. Don't shock someone by bringing them back to your place and they discover that you actually live in your Grandmother's basement. Friends of mine have told me stories of how a date stayed the night and while going to the bathroom, ran into my friend's father, sitting on the toilet reading Sports Illustrated. Also, if you are living with someone of the opposite sex, this may also concern some people. Not everyone is comfortable with their potential love interest living with another of the opposite sex. I've dated women who lived with men and I have got treated like I invaded their territory. You need to explain to your date, who your house mates are, how you know them, and what the extent of your relationship is. Trust me, this will comfort your date.
Now, on to my first lesson, young grasshoppers. Where are you in your life? A lot of people try to go out and meet new people for a romantic interlude, but they have so much other baggage, emotional or otherwise, that they cannot move on. A lot of people look at children as being baggage. I don't think that is it at all. Someone with children just has to be more sure of what type of person they are truly looking for because a new person in your life will also have an effect on the children. If you are still hung up on an ex and you cannot stop thinking about them, don't go out and date. You need to cut the ties that bind and free your mind. Nothing will destroy a relationship faster than if you are always talking about your ex (this includes complaining), have pictures of your ex on the wall, or if this ex is in close quarter, meaning that you see this ex everyday and it becomes a problem.
If you have had a long line of failed relationships, perhaps you should stop blaming the people and start looking inward. Become someone desired by being someone that lights up a room when you walk in. Take a look at your mental diet. What do you read? What do you listen to? Who do you spend most of your time with?
When I am visiting a date's residence, I take note of the type of reading material they have laying about. If it is nothing but trashy celebrity magazines and beauty magazines, I immediately think that this person is void of personality. No one I want to be with spends their time concerned with the dating habits of celebrities that they have never met. I say, read a good book. Again, I'm not talking about trashy romance novels, I mean something inspirational. I will elaborate on that in a future article. However, you don't have to read much. Pick a book and read 10 pages a day. That is all I ask of you. If you know anything of compounded interest, you will understand that those 10 pages a day, probably a book a month, compounded over years, will make a world of difference.
People are also often programmed by what they hear. How much time do you spend gossiping with co-workers around the water dispenser? Negative conversation actually converts listeners as well. I would suggest to get something motivational, such as Tony Robbins and listen to that in your car, at work, or in bed before you go to sleep. How much? I'm going to ask you to listen for only 15 minutes a day. Most people spend an hour or more in their car everyday. If you have a CD player, take out your dance music and throw in some food for your mind. You'll be amazed at your own reaction to everyday situations after only a month of listening to Tony Robbins.
Lastly, and as most business people know, there are your associations. Take a second and list the 5 people that you spend the most time with every week. Now, are they helping you to become a better you, or are they keeping you miserable. This can be a spouse, a co-worker, a friend, a family member, whoever. You are the median of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Are you happy with where you are in life or what you are doing? I suggest to find people that share your zest and enthusiasm and surround yourself with people who have or do what you want. If you are a non-smoker and you hang out with all smokers, you are going to smoke.
If you want to spend more time in church, hang out with people who go to church. It is a simple concept. I know that most people do not want to sacrifice their friends and family members, but I'm not saying to do that either; just limit your exposure. Spend quality time with quality people and spare time with anchors. Be aware that just because your broke uncle Larry is giving you advise, he may not have your best interests in mind. Remember, misery loves company, and if you buy people's advise, you buy their lifestyle and if they don't have or do what you want, then why listen to them.
In closing, I want you to take a good account of who you are, and who you want to be. Dating is a tough game and if you haven't worked on yourself, you are going to fail to attract the RIGHT person in life because you are in fact not the right person either. So, if you are upset and lonely, and life seems to be dragging you down, start by getting up tomorrow morning an hour before you usually do. Take a thirty minute walk around the neighborhood and then go home. Pick up a good book and read 10 pages, it should only take you about 15-20 minutes and then as you get ready for work, or are driving to work, listen to a good CD for 15 minutes. Within no time, you will be well on your way to becoming the better you. Don't be scared about dating, just know that you have the ammunition before you go into battle and I will help you along the way. God bless you in your personal journey.
Chris Ward in an entrepreneur in Monterey, California that has been a life-long bachelor but awaiting to find that special someone to spend the rest of his life with. As he moves along this personal journey of self-discovery and enlightenment, he hopes to share the lessons he has learned with the rest of the world. Chris Ward is an Independent Associate of Pre-Paid Legal Services, Inc. and also models, writes, and aspires to be a film producer. To reach Christopher Ward, you can find him on MySpace.
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