Find Your Perfect Mate: Is This Your Year?

A new year always fills us with promise and hope. Will this be the year I lose those 10 pounds? And will I pay off all of my credit cards? And of course, that often elusive goal... love. Will this be the year that I find "the one?"

As a huge fan of goals, I would encourage you to place "love" on your list if this is, indeed, your deepest desire. But I'd also encourage you go to after the "perfect fit." Let this year be the end of settling for Mr. or Mrs. Okay and of dating people who do not meet the qualities that you desire in a partner.

So, what's the big secret? What's the first step in finding love?

Well, my formula was born out of my own frustration. Year after year, kissing frog after frog. Always with the same end result, single again. When I turned 40, I took a step back and developed a formula - Ready, Set, Leap. And after using my formula with success (John and I met the old fashioned way, on the internet, and have been married for 4 years) I thought I'd share it with you!

Step 1: Ready.

Before you leap out onto the dating scene there are a couple of things that need to be put into place. The first step Ready, is about getting crystal clear on the vision you have for your future and that perfect person who might fit into it. Note: attracting someone perfect doesn't mean they are flawless: it means they are a perfect "fit" for you.

A part of your vision could be how you spend your time. Who is surrounding you, where do you live, what you do for fun, etc. How often do you meet someone and find out later that you don't have the same vision for the future - they want to be off skiing in the Alps when you'd rather curl up with a good book.

Values also come into play at this point. Our values are the things that drive our life (i.e. family, security, fun, adventure). When you attract someone with values that are similar to yours, your relationship will be so much easier. If your partner has a value around spending money freely and you like to be conservative, you might have issues. And when 50% of marriages fail, many due to money issues, you want to find a partner whose financial values match your own.

Of course, we hear stories of opposites attracting, but the matching of values can provide you with a smoother path. I can vouch for this because my own marriage ebbs and flows fairly easily. I keep thinking "where's all the work that everybody talks about?" I'm sure we'll hit our bumps, but so far our similar values have led us to smooth sailing.

Step 2: Set.

Once we know what our future looks like, we want to do some internal work to ensure that we are truly ready for lasting love. This work is around clearing the baggage. It might involve forgiveness and letting go of some of the "emotional crud" that you've been dragging from relationship to relationship. If you think you don't have any baggage, look harder! Everybody has something.

Another part to "Set" is around feeling fabulous. What would it take for you to walk into a coffee date feeling terrific? Doing things that make you feel great - basically falling in love with yourself - is the key! For some it might be getting healthy or finding that new job. For others, finding out what truly makes us happy may be a process unto itself. Don't rush through this.

My girlfriend Naomi recently ended her 30 year marriage. Having been a wife and mother for all that time, her identity was tied to those roles and now that she's on her own, she's lost! Finding out what makes her happy is a process that she is committed to and it may take some time.

Step 3: Leap.

Once you know your vision and have taken steps to get feeling like the most fabulous version of yourself, then you're ready to leap out to the dating world.

Most people start at this stage, which is why many end up circling back to the beginning over and over again. I can relate. I went around and around in this cycle for years. But if you do the work to get Ready and Set first, something may just change!

Leaping out to the dating scene means basically going where other single people are. The internet has made this so much easier with new dating websites popping up daily and some of them are really specialized. Sites for different religions, single parents, seniors, active people, you name it. Even sites that encourage cheating on your spouse....not anything I would recommend.

If you are internet shy, put yourself into situations where you are doing the things you love. My friend Kara is an avid outdoor adventure girl - she loves hiking and kayaking and skiing so she belongs to an outdoor singles clubs. If you love to cook, take a class; maybe another single will end up being your partner. The bottom line to Leap is to keep putting yourself out there.

Sometimes it will be discouraging, but if you have a clear vision of what you want, have done the inside work and feel fabulous, and continue to get out where other single people are - you will be setting yourself up for success!

Jane Atkinson spent years on the dating roller coaster but she just couldn't seem to find her perfect match. So what changed?

At age 40, Jane made a decision. She knew that in order to change her outcome, she would have to change some things about herself and the way she went about finding love. She developed the Ready, Set, Leap approach and voila, it worked! The Frog Whisperer was born! Jane and John have been married for 4 years and live in London, Ontario Canada. For more information go to: http://www.frogwhisperer.com