Ever been in a situation where the relationship you were in felt awkward, like it wasn't meant to be? You may love the person, would damn near die for that person, but it lacked... something? If so, read on.
Once upon a time there was a really smart man named, Robert Sternberg, and he came up with an interesting theory called, The Triangular Theory of Love. Upon first read, you may think this theory is a load of mambo jumbo created by a psycho-logic book worm, but upon closer inspection, I think our buddy, Robert Sternberg, may actually be on to something! Take a read, because I'm about to introduce you to the Triangular Theory of Love and give you the answer for what your relationship is lacking. You'll also know what to search for while you're online dating.
The Triangular Theory of Love has three components to it. For easy understanding we can say these three points make up the points of a triangle. The first point is represented by Intimacy, the second is Passion, and the third is Commitment. The objective of any love relationship is to have an abundance lot of all three components built into it. With all three you achieve the ultimate, "Consummate Love."
Intimacy is what you feel when your significant other enters the room. You feel close, connected, and bonded as if you were one person. Intimacy is not an action; intimacy is an innate feeling of interconnectivity.
Passion is what you feel when your blood flows, endorphins pump, and that physical desire to sexually or romantically devour your partner emerges. Passion is attraction.
Commitment is the component of love that is initially a decision to stay with a partner. In the long term, Commitment is a life plan that merges as individual goals between two people morph into a single, shared, life plan.
Starting to get the picture?
These are the three components of love, and the cornerstones of any healthy relationship. The strength of relationships are determined by the level couples are able to achieve in each of these three components.
Where things get a little complicated is when I tell you these three components are not black and white, nor do they function as one. Instead, they work independent of one another on this triangle that is also cyclical. Between the points of the triangle, (Hypotenuse, Opposite and Adjacent lines for those who remember math class) are lines, and relationships may that may lean a little more towards the commitment side, or the intimacy side versus being on point). Between these lines you get a mixture of passion and commitment, or intimacy and passion etc, and these 50/50 or 70/30 mixtures form different kinds of love relationships.
There are 7 types of love relationships found along the lines that form the triangle. These gaps are where you find your answer and define why some relationships just don't feel right. Did your past relationship have a lot of passion, but no commitment? Or did it have a lot of commitment but no passion? Maybe you had a Passionate and Intimate relationship, but you lacked commitment and were cheated on?
Some relationships do not feel right because couples are missing one or two, or in some cases all three components! Without all three components, something will always missing and lacking from your love life. This is why people cheat. This is why divorce rate in America is over 50%. Take your own relationship or maybe a past relationship and analyze it. Where were you lacking, where was the relationship lacking and what do you need to work on in the future? As you're searching for your perfect match online, keep the three corner stones of a relationship in mind, and be sure your partner is capable of matching, or at least in a position where they're able to offer all three to you.
Liking Love - This is the same thing as Intimacy. You have to like someone first before intimacy can grow.
Infatuation Love - This is the same thing as Passion. Before passion, there needs to be infatuation, interest and desire. It is only through the growth of intimacy can Infatuation turn into Passion.
Empty Love - Making a Commitment isn't an emotion, it is a decision. Only through the evolution to Passion or Intimacy can the Commitment decision be justified as a good or bad decision, and thus, the longevity of the commitment.
Romantic Love - A cross between Passion and Intimacy. You're intimate with a partner and are physical. But, there is no commitment. Cheating spouse? One night stands? Dating? That is Romantic Love.
Companionate Love - A cross between Intimacy and Commitment. A lot of married couples fall into this category because while they may have started the relationship with passion, they have failed over time to maintain that passion. As a result, there is no more passion to sustain the relationship, only the bond formed through years of intimacy, and the long term life plan of commitment.
Fatuous Love - A cross between Passion and Commitment. Ever been wasted in Vegas and nearly got married? Or met somebody and wanted to marry them after 3 dates? This is when you're on cloud nine and do silly things. It is too early to move forward in the relationship without the stabilizing influence of Intimacy that can only develop over time.
Consummate Love is the ultimate and most complete form of love that represents the ideal combination and levels of the three love pillars. All couples should aspire to have a balance and plenty of all three components. When they do, they'll be satisfied, and will have found their perfect match. That is what Consummate Love is - your perfect match.
No match making or dating service is guaranteed to find your perfect match for you, but they can certainly help. Consummate Love is something you develop over time one-on-one with the right partner. The key to achieving Consummate Love is picking the right partner to attempt the journey with. If your current relationship is anything other than Consummate Love, well... that's what dating is for. Best of luck, never settle and happy dating!
P.S. Thank you for the knowledge Mr. Robert Sternberg. You're a smart fella.
The Author of this Article is a writer for free online dating site, DateCover.com.
About DateCover.com (Click to Visit and read more articles):
Born from Cupid and infused by Aphrodite, DateCover.com signifies the start of an online dating revolution. Based in Dallas, TX, DateCover.com prides itself as cutting edge website with functionality and content never seen before in the online dating world. The primary objective of DateCover.com is to help people find their perfect match the right way, with real people, through using innovative tools proprietary to the website. DateCover does not charge membership fees, they do not limit user access and will never require users to pay for these things in the future. The business model of DateCover.com is Free to join and Free to use, forever.
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