Sacred Love - Why are You Single?

Why are you single?

From the age of 14, being single is unnatural. From that age, nature want us, in some form or other, to share our life with a significant other. Be it the boy around the corner or the girl of your dreams, being double is normal, being single takes an effort.

Nature does not define relationships, we do. We load them with our own brand of "should" and in doing so bring the whole of our being forward into the moment of love. We are not always living in accordance with nature, we normally live in accordance with the laws and rules, values and beliefs that we have accumulated.

Now we can understand why some people are single and some people are not. It has nothing to do with nature. If nature (call this God) had her way, we'd all be with our partners and living according to her laws, at the border of chaos and order.

But we don't do this. Our ambitions for our careers, our desires for a certain style of life, our relationships with extended family and our values and beliefs all contrive to cause us to live unique lives. The consequence of which, is our relationship.

Sustained defiance of natures laws is not possible without repercussion. Illness, depression, mental exhaustion and stress are all derived from the sustained conflict between our unique lives and natures law. We think we can play God, but really, we are pawns in a game. We are loved universally, and to reject that, on the basis of a pursuit of uniqueness, will cause a great disharmony.

For 30 years now I have worked as a change agent. The agent of change has a challenging role. People ask for advice, but if that advice does not fit with their "unique live" then it is called bad advice. So, when a couple approach me, and one partner is filled with hate and rage at herself, then she will inevitably shift that hate and rage to me.

In business it's the same. I remember being asked to present a talk to 150 partners of one of the worlds leading accounting firms. I introduced the first law of nature and after only 10 minutes had serious challenges from the audience. I was attacked personally. It seems that the "unique self" that this accounting firm wanted to promote was one that had more harmony that angst.

When an office promotes peace, and if nature grows at the border of chaos and order, where does the chaos go, if it is not welcome at the office? It goes home. And in all their studies on corporate culture and stress management, this firm had never included the domestic circumstances of their employees. Dumbest thing I ever heard, isolating a person and measuring them in the work place alone. We agreed to disagree, and as a change agent, I knew when I was beat.

In love, single people are like this office. They have very strong sense of their "unique self" they have created a series of values, ideals and expectations which, are without doubt, the greatest obstacle to relationship. I want this, I want it like that, I want it to look like this, I want it to be like that. These wants and aspirations are what separates us from nature, we begin to play God, and in doing so, potentially reject the perfection of a great relationship.

Here are a few typical "uniqueness" that drive people into an argument with nature.

1. The one. "I am looking for the one" - nature has no "the one" she has a now, a perfect now, a learning space, a growth space, an opportunity for you to grow and experience something. Searching for "the one" focuses us on long term outcomes, and this destroys the beauty of what is.

2. The Past. "I don't want that again" - Nature evolves, she evolves so as to incorporate the past into the future. Therefore, she is not afraid of the past repeating itself, because the definition of evolving, is to embrace the past, learn from it, and if it happens again (which it will) be able to deal with it better than the first time. Being stuck in the past is running from it.

3. Self Improvement. "When I am ready, love will come" This is an evolving rationalization which sets in place a chain of thoughts that is guaranteed to sabotage any relationship. Unless you see that you are ready now, with all your warts and foibles, and busyness and craziness, then you will never be ready. Life doesn't go in straight lines. You need to see, that love sits at the middle of a turbulence of experience and this is called life. Unless you see yourself worthy of love as you are, then you will never sustain the relationship you are born for.

4. Avoidance. "I just don't have time" - fear acts in many ways but the net result is avoidance. I hear this all the time. It's really ridiculous because nature doesn't select the environment for love. You can fall in love working, running, swimming, at the movies. So "I just don't have time" is a lie. "I am afraid" is more the truth.

5. Self Important. "It doesn't feel right" - when we cause the most important person on earth, to be ourselves, then, there can never be a relationship. If we become yogis who want to feel good in our bodies, spiritual seekers wanting to feel good in our heart, business leaders wanting to feel good in our self confidence, family leaders wanting to feel good in our sense of worth, we are self obsessed and no love can thrive in such a "unique self"

The way around all this is explained in my New book, "Sacred Love, the Honeymoon that lasts forever".

Live with Spirit and Love

Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris?s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au